History repeats itself

Remy: How would you feel if I came in your room and I started playing my music.
Fudge: I wouldn't feel anything.
Remy: Why not?
Fudge: 'Cause I'll whoop your ass. That's why.

"Higher Learning"

From my playing over the weekend, I did indeed have a few repeat performances. Thankfully my bank roll continues to grow slowly and is now just under the $500 mark again. At an Omaha $1/$2 table, I was dealt Jh9h3h2h. I had taken a bit of a beating at this table for the day, hitting trips often but never improving. Here all I could see was a striaght draw and a flush draw, but I had already taken four hearts out of the game. In early position, I considered this an easy fold. The flop comes 4h5h6h, giving me another straight flush - well, it would have if I as involved with the hand. Nevermind I guess. I made a Queens over Eights full house a little while later to put me up for the session when the table broke.

Also another little interesting hand took place as I sat down at the crazy $25NL. The very first hand I am dealt 88 and get to see the flop when it is raised to $3 and I call. The flop is Queen high with an eight and I feel good. I check and then call a $3 raise with one other comeing along for the ride. The turn is a blank and I decide to try a little play here. I'm pretty certain I am in front, and UTG I put out a $0.50 bet into a $10+ pot, just hoping it looked as bad a play as it was. One guy re-riases over the top of me for another $3 and the one in the middle folds. I re-raise back for $10 and he uses up all his time to think and call. Brilliant, I put him on AK, maybe a pocket pair but definately not a made hand. The last card is an awful Ace. There is not straight or flush out there though. I decided to check, but if he makes any bet then I am already pot committed and all in with my remaining $6 or whatever it was. He checks it and I take the pot at the showdown. What does everyone think, should I have come out betting on the river? Since I had the better hand, after the fact naturally a bet could have done no harm so perhaps. But I was a littel worried that he had AA and had hit the nuts on the river. Anyway, I got out of it this time and was playing with winnings for th rest of the night.

Last interesting hand came later on another $25NL table - again in the big blind. All my interesting hands come from the big blind. Anyway, I had 5h6h and remembering the flopped straight flush from before I thought I would see the flop for the extra 50 cents. The rainbow flop comes 347, and I check. 1 player bets $2 and I re-raised all in for $21. A stupid over bet but I believe there is method to my madness, which is as follows:

Firstly, anyone who has ever played these tbales knows what kind of idiots can reside there. People who loose to a 10 outer and then complain poker is rigged. A stupid all-in bluff is not uncommon. I was hoping that either there was an idiot at the table who would call with TPTK or an over pair/cards, or there would be someone half smart enough to think I was an idiot going all-in with TPTK or an over pair or something. The other train of though was there is already $5 in the pot, plus a $2 bet in front of me, if I take it down here then I have avoided anybody else improving and taking the pot away from me. I also loose the chance to maximise the pot, but that is the excepted risk I guess. The rasier folded and even said in the chat box "You could have made alot more of that hand". Oh well, I continue to get good cards but fail to make the most of them for now. I guess I have something ot work on.

I did get the chance to watch The Poker Geek go at it in a $10 SNG for about 5 minutes, but unfortunatly his AK lost to AA. Seeing any poker blogger at a table is exciting for me, being the time differences and all. Later that very day, myself in a $10 SNG I rivered a flush to double up into first place, then had one of the short stacks all in with Queens vs my Kings - Queen on the river. Damn, I'm back to the middle. Finally, with 5 left I am all in with AKo vs AKd, and the third diamond came on the river again. Unlucky, but really you can't complain. Nobody really listens anyway.

My worst winning hand

Otis: You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

"The Marx Bros: A Night at the Opera"

Been going well lately. After 5 consecutive days playing with a profit, I dropped a big load on Saturday - then half way through making it back, we had another blackout. As Calvin of "Calvin & Hobbes" would say "There is a God, and he hates me." I did manage to make it all back on Sunday though with another fine $10 SNG win. I must admit getting a great run of cards in the middle, with TT - KK - TT in three running hands, all getting paid off or folded to. At one stage on the bubble I had more than 60% of the chips at the table. There was no way I was letting that one go.

But I have something more important to talk about - I am nearly finished reading Internet Texas Holdem which was graciously given to me (like many bloggers) to review, and my review will be up some time soon, but I would like to throw out this hand situation to the blogging world for their thoughts. I truly believe that if I am going to post my brilliant plays, I should also post the ones where I know I sucked.

I'm at one of those lovely crazy $25NL tables at Party. In the BB I get 56d and limp with 5 runners. The flop was a gift wrapped 3d 4d 7d, and only the second time in my life that I have a straight-flush (the other was Queen high on the river). I check the flop and so does everybody else. The turn is an Ace. Here are my options as I saw them:

1) Check, check and keep on checking. Wait for the river to pounce and only call any bets/raises.

2) Over-bet the pot and make it look like I am trying to buy it.

3) Give a tiny little bet on the turn, make the baby Jesus cry, and hope it looks like a bluff or gets some callers.

4) Bet normally and try to build up a decent pot so when you win it is worth it.

While I could be extremely unlucky to get beaten by a higher straight-flush, I could be forgiven for thinking I have flopped the stone-cold nuts. After the fact, I think I should have chosen option number one, and give out as many free cards as possible and give someone else a chance to make a hand. Unfortunatly, on the turn I decided to bet $1 into a $4.50 pot. I did not get one caller. It looked like a pretty obviously slow play of a flush to me, but for some reason all I wanted to do was build the pot. This is no-limit people! The flop can go from $4.50 to $45 on one bet! Stupid play! I was so disapointed that I flopped a straight flush and only made $3.50 on it. Not very wise people.

While I'm on stupid play, one of the best peices of advice from that very poker book I am reading is a very simple instruction - Know what the nuts are. On a board of J88Tx, I was holding J8. I knew that JJ could beat me, but was quietly confident that all four Jacks were not in play. What I did forget is that TT also beats me. Of course one guy had it, and wasn't willing to raise into me for it and only called. I guess he was aware of all the hands that beat his. Could of been worse I suppose.

Robbed

Very quick post, this is just one example of how I was robbed last night. This happened about 6 times before I had to give it up.

***** Hand History for Game 1598601699 *****
1/2 OmahaHiGameTable (Limit) - Wed Feb 16 02:00:02 EST 2005
Table Table 34079 (6 max) (Real Money) -- Seat 6 is the button
Total number of players : 6
Seat 1: SB ( $48.25)
Seat 2: BB ( $37.25)
Seat 3: UTG ( $58.25)
Seat 4: MP ( $72.25)
Seat 5: Heafy ( $34.75)
Seat 6: BUTTON ( $33.75)
SB posts small blind (0.5)
BB posts big blind (1)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Heafy [ Kh, Kd, 6d, 9s ]
MP folds.
Heafy calls (1)
BUTTON calls (1)
SB calls (0.5)
BB checks.
** Dealing Flop ** : [ 9c, 4d, 9d ]
SB checks.
BB checks.
Heafy bets (1)
BUTTON calls (1)
SB folds.
BB folds.
** Dealing Turn ** : [ Ks ]
Heafy bets (2)
BUTTON calls (2)
** Dealing River ** : [ Td ]
Heafy bets (2)
BUTTON raises (4) to 4
Heafy could not respond in time.(disconnected)
Heafy Disconnect Protection enabled.
Creating Main Pot with $13.25 with Heafy
** Summary **
Main Pot: $13.25 Side Pot 1: $2 Rake: $0.75
Board: [ 9c 4d 9d Ks Td ]
SB balance $47.25, lost $1 (folded)
BB balance $36.25, lost $1 (folded)
UTG balance $58.25, sits out
MP balance $72.25, didn't bet (folded)
Heafy balance $42, bet $6, collected $13.25, net +$7.25 [ Kh Kd 6d 9s ] [ a full house, Kings full of nines -- Kh,Kd,Ks,9c,9d ]
BUTTON balance $27.75, bet $8, collected $2, lost -$6 [ Kc Jc Qs 5d ] [ a straight, nine to king -- Ks,Qs,Jc,Td,9c ]


Ok, so maybe I should have raised pre-flop, but you can see the calibre of the players. He calls me all the way to the river chasing a straight when there is already a flush and a lair on the board when I am betting at every street. Like I said, it happened a few times and probably cost me all up 15-20BB, which can hurt. Everybody is out to conspire against the "WGPBE".

Watch the first step

Ace Rothstein: [narrating] Nicky's methods of betting weren't scientific, but they worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. I mean, what were they going to do, muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle.

”Casino”

Fired up Poker Now again last night, keen to dig into the bonus I have going there. I go back to the old faithful Omaha $1/$2 tables – and this one is wild. 6 Players, raising like there is no tomorrow and hitting draws. First hand I get to limp and see a beautiful flop of J44, and I’m holding J4. I bet and get 1 caller. Turn is a rag, and I bet, he raises, I re-raise and he caps. Hmm…The river is an ace, putting a flush on the board. Great, but the same thing happens and it is capped. I flip over my J4 (can’t remember what the other cards were) and he flips over his J4. Damn it – actually lost 25 cents on that hand to the rake.

A few hands later I get a lovely flop of J87 rainbow, and I have 9T suited to the Jack. I bet out big, get 2 callers. Turn brings 2d, giving two diamonds on the board with the 7. I bet, he calls. Gee, I wonder what is happening here? The river completes the flush and what do you know, he comes out betting. I call just to confirm, and yes he has Q4d in his back pocket. I don’t like how this is going.

On another hand, I have AdAc7c6h, not a bad hand methinks. The flop comes JhTc2c – not bad for me. I bet, two callers. The turn is a nasty looking Td. I have to continue to show strength though, and I could still draw to the nuts if another ace comes. The river completes my nut-flush, but of course a boat could sink me. My 3-bet is called and he shows a lower flush. This sizeable pot put me my 20 minute profit at 10BB, and I had to call it quits there as the table broke up. I didn’t mind the quick action though, it would fund me on my next experiment.

I thought I might try Poker Geek’s steps idea and see how it flies. I started at the $10 level because that is where I usually play. Man, another tight table with only one maniac who is taken care of very early on, but not by me. The first hand I play is AJs from UTG – I raise to double the big blind and it gets folded around to me. Ok, I guess my tight image is following me. A little too well perhaps, because I make the same move from the button with KQo and win the blinds plus 1 caller from middle position. I just couldn’t win any pots of any size – when I played a hand, everyone stayed away. If I limped and then bet on the flop, everyone would fold. I decided to keep this image going and not play too many hands as everyone would be getting into the push or fold mode soon. Sure enough, it gets to the button with two small stacks (me included) and too large ones. Instantly the other small stack doubles up and I am now looking very shaky. I go All-in with AQs, double up on the calling 66. Very next hand (BB) I go All-in again on the SB and one caller who fold to me. Hey, why not three in a row? I get 77 and go All-in and unfortunately the Big Blind has 99 and I bubble. Oh well, I can try again.

In a new $10 SNG, 8 left I limp with KT to see a KJT rainbow flop. One guy bets out $350, about half my stack. I think he has maybe a Queen or an Ace, but not both and is on a draw. I push All-in as the pot is nice at over $700 already and I have about that left. He thinks and thinks about it then calls with QJ. Ok, an OEST against my two pair…He spikes a Jack on the river to take it with trips – and then apologised. Too late buddy, apologies don’t put bucks in my bank roll do they? At least he wasn’t a dick about it.

So I still think the steps idea is good, and I will give it another go again soon. But the main problem is the first step at the moment – and I just came off a good run with it too.

I should be able to get some decent playing in tonight as the distraction looks like spending some late hours at the office. On non-poker news, the Guinness World Record attempt I am making at work is going great guns – and as a fortunate bit of timing they are starting up an Australian Version of the TV show. I’ve already been in touch with the producers and it looks like a very good chance we will be featured on it at some stage. Here’s hoping.

I'm Henry the 8th, I am.

KAOS Agent: Look, I'm a sportsman. I'll let you choose the way you want to die.
Max: All right, how about old age?

”Get Smart”

Welcome one and welcome all. I have received a bit of a spike in readers over the past week or so with no real explanation for it. If some blog out there that I don’t regularly read has linked to me or has mentioned The World’s Greatest Poker Blogger Ever recently then let me know, I’d love to return the favour.

Going through my results of SNG and final table finishes, I have noticed that I do not finish second very often, or even third. First and forth are most common, which I think is a little weird. Last night in another $10 SNG when it got to heads up I found myself full of confidence that this would go my way. As a spoiler, it didn’t and I actually came second this time, but I am pretty confident in my heads up play – mainly due to the fact that I have been running into some real rocks lately. This table last night was too tight by far.

After reading The Poker Geek’s blog in recent times, I thought about his comments on his own play – and also the a blogger favourite “Minimum raises make baby Jesus cry”. One player, when still ten active player at the table, make a minimum raise of $30 into a $180 pot and took it down. He tried again a second time, and was raised to $100 for a fold. I take notice. He tries a minimum raise on the turn against me, and I re-raise with nothing. He folds. Thank you very much, I have two players sussed out from this. Firstly the bluffer, weaker than day old coffee at McDonalds. Secondly, the rock that he bluffed out on the first hand, his greatest tell is his bet. He did not vary from this for the whole game. “Check” = I got nothing. “Call” = I am looking to improve. “Small bet/raise” = I have something small. “Big bet/raise” = I have something big. See, this poker stuff is a simple game. I think I made it into the top three without knocking anybody out and without making it to a showdown once. Now I am a fan of playing tight, but when 10/10 people at the table are doing it, you gotta loosen up a little fellas. Quite a few times (and even once or twice by accident) I had 75% of my stack in the middle with nothing but the board.

In heads up, I made a beautiful check-raise move on a flopped set to his TPTK to cripple him. Blinds were 300/600, and I left him with 450. Next hand, I get The Hammer, and I have to call the extra 150 regardless as he is all in – no real brain effort in that move I think. His Q5o doesn’t improve, and neither do I. Next hand he actually has some decent cards and I have 62o. Damn it, he is back in it now.

It went back and forth for what seemed like 20-30 hands, and we even tossed up the idea of a deal for $5! In the end, on a flop of AQ6, I had Q9 and called his all in. He showed at least an Ace, maybe even A6 I can’t remember. It was at the stage where I really wasn’t bothered because profit was already guaranteed – and even though I had a loss, I am confident that I played the better in the heads up game (if you exclude the impatience on the last hand).

I want to plug the fine work over at Sound of a Suckout and his effort to start monthly poker blogging awards. Unfortunately, I don’t think he has one for sucking up to him, so I am at a loss already. As I have documented here, my bank roll is considerably more healthy with the help of his blog, and through affiliate rebates I think his bank roll has also been helped by mine in a very small way. It is a very generous gesture to offer up a little bit of his own scratch for the amusement of the poker blogging community, and I hope he gets some laughs out of it – and I’ll get some good tips on other fine blogs to read from it also. It’s win-win people!

And to the noble Knight himself, Sir FWALGMan: When times are tough, when the bank roll has been belted around, when you feel like the smallest fish in the biggest pond, you have to make a decision. It’s not about whether you want to “invest” or “gamble” more money into poker. Only you know what your own situation is. It’s about whether you enjoy playing. I say play in a home game with friends and family for some miniscule buy-in. Drink what ever ails you, tell stories and lies, show your mucked cards for a laugh and forget that you have $5 on the line. If you don’t enjoy that kind of game, then maybe it is time for a break (permanent or temporary). If it is just a purely financial decision, then take it from me – free rolls can be your friend as long as you don’t mind flipping a coin a few times. I’ve made over $1,000 dollars in a foreign currency all by starting in free rolls – and I’m not even that good. I was looking back through my blog today by coincidence, and I noticed quite a few times where your writings in my comments section was a great help to myself. So I guess my message here is play poker because you want to, make the money a secondary objective.

Moving forward, ever so slowly

Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.

”Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

There is only one thing I hate worse than an idiot at a table who won’t shut up, and that is an idiot at the table who won’t shut up keep hitting draws.

I was playing a $10 SNG last night, and the usual strategy (uber-tight early, wait for them to knock themselves out then move in for the kill) wasn’t going to work. Hello, we have a table of 10 tight players. One guy would not stop talking, and he never had anything good to say. He was the lone exception at the table, and made some of the most obvious bluff moves I have ever seen. And it wasn’t just me that was noticing, no less than four other players re-raised his turn or river min-bet to see him fold it through. Then on one hand instead of betting the minimum, he goes all in for about 6BB. Somebody called – and they were either not paying attention or gave this guy too much credit and thought he had made a different bluff move. He had the nut flush and knocked out 10th place. It was awful to hear him gloat about it too. He would also pester one player in particular who raised his bluff bet and then mucked their hand to tell him what he mucked. When the player declined, he continued on with it for every hand to come until that guy too was knocked out. I was up and down, and pushed with TT to get one caller holding JJ. Ouch – fortunately I had him out chipped and with $250 left (start with $800) I pushed the very next hand UTG with JJ. Everybody folded to me. Interesting – I know what I was holding, so I would have been in front of everybody else (and if I wasn’t then they really have no excuse), but it was a perfect example of a tilt push by a small stack about to encounter the blinds. No one was willing to take the chance though, so I got my blinds for free. Interesting at least for me.

I was able to finally hit a few hands and move into a respectable position, but still on the bubble. I was able to knock out the idiot when I had JJ again and he called me with 99. Playing the table policeman seems always –EV for me, but it does feel good – perhaps that is a big problem for me.

On the bubble again. I have been here so often lately in these SNG’s and have way too many 4th’s than I would like. I am one of two short stacks, and the blinds are getting big. Why oh why do big stacks fold small blinds to the small stack? I forgot how many free blinds I got with cards like 84o. I did manage to cripple the other small stack when his flush draw did not come and he was left with $30 – small blind was $200. He won 4 all-ins in a row, crawling his way back to a position where he could bet and then lost it all on one hand. Finally my streak of bubble finishes had been broken.

With three left, it became a game of when to push as the blinds increased again. I was able to steal a few times (and still they folded the small blind to me) and eventually knocked out 3rd and 2nd for an uplifting return to the winners circle. This to go along with a mighty profit of $1.50 at the Omaha tables earlier – I’m getting the hang of that game.

I too have signed up with Poker Source Online’s rake rebate, not that it will net anything huge for me, but the 100% sign-up bonus (up to $100) at Poker Now was appealing. 1000 hands to clear the bonus though – I don’t think I should have a problem with this.

So all in all, I have had a few decent days of playing without loosing any money. I'll take that for now.

Stupid People Shit Me

[Edgecomb gives Coffey some cornbread]
Paul Edgecomb: My wife made it to thank you.
John Coffey: For what, boss?
Paul Edgecomb: [Pointing to his groin] You know.
John Coffey: Oh, was she pleased?
Paul Edgecomb: Several times.

”The Green Mile”

I have not played very much online as of late, and to be honest I am still in shock at my investment strategies. Sure, all those Wall Street buffoons may preach about their “Blue Chips” and future markets, but I thought for sure the smart investment was in drunk poker players over-betting the hammer. And you know Al, it was still worth it.

I did get the chance for a home game last Friday night. Usually these games are 6 people who are all very knowledgeable and occasionally 1 or 2 new comers. This week was a little different, as we were playing 8 handed with 3 relative new comers including the host’s wife. Out of 15 people who said they could make it, 8 did in the end. Oh well, it was still the largest home game I have been involved in.

Online players are all wary of table selection. In a home game, it is more player selection – who to invite and who not to invite. While I don’t think there has ever been a problem with new comers to these games (as I myself was once), this week there was a problem with one player who was a friend of the host. He was not that experienced in poker but had played here before. He was lucky enough to get some chips early on and then the lunacy started. He would raise “eight blues” pre-flop. Never mind that those “blues” have a numeric value, just refer to the colour buddy. He got called the first time and eventually called his way to the showdown to show 83o, good enough for two pair on the river and the win. Then he did it again, raising pre-flop a massive amount (big blind was $200, he would raise $9,875 into an unraised pot.). It was funny, maybe even a smart move the first time he did it. The eight time? No laughs anymore. I, along with about everyone else, was just waiting for a half decent hand to call him on. I could not get anything over a 7. One player finally called him with AQo, and the raiser won the pot with J4o. Knocked out 8th, 7th and 6th in similar fashion (1st to 3rd get paid) – including one brutal river card that made his 53s a flush to beat a flopped Broadway straight. The host had to actually apologise to that guy as he left. Not only was the raiser making this stupid bets to ruin the action, he was carrying on like it was a great move – and really rubbing it in when somebody was knocked out. Finally I had a hand – AJc, I need to make a stand, he must be stopped. I called, and he had 96d. Always bloody suited. What do you know, I managed to get my flush out and double up. Problem was, my stack had hardly moved since we began and he had more than 4 times the starting amount. In other words he was still the chip leader by double and I was still one of the smaller stacks. It just didn’t dent him. Thankfully the second big stack player (who I think has finished 2nd, 1st, 2nd, 1st in the last four) was able to double through his as well. Now he was down in third, myself in second out of the five people left and he was forced to think about his bets.

The big hand of the night was a 4 way pot out of the remaining 5, and with Q6 I limped. The flop was 9TK rainbow, and was checked through. The turn brought me my gut shot Jack but put 2 diamonds on the board, and the host’s wife was first to act. She had been playing cautiously all night (which wasn’t surprising considering the action) and I don’t think had ever won a big pot. She finally had a hand and moved all in. In this situation I think I have to call and hope she didn’t have the nut straight, and I re-raise all in to scare off anyone else (since I was the biggest stack in the hand). The maniac calls all in and so does the last player. Not surprising I guess, there are four queens in the deck. The Wife had ace-something suited diamonds, and needed a queen or a diamond for the nuts. I of course had a queen, and the maniac? J8d. Drawing dead from here, but he could win one of the side pots. The last player also had a queen. The river came a rag and all was right in the world. Not only had the maniac been busted on the bubble, we were now in the money. It felt good.

Eventually third dropped out and it was heads up between myself and the big stack. We went back and forth for a while and I was able to get a few big plays on position to take down some nice pots and give myself the lead. It should be noted that while the other guy was a very good player, his cards were running hot. He had the rockets four times in 6 hands at one stage. I had them once all night and won a small pot with one pair. Approaching the other end of midnight, he went all in on a Q38 rainbow flop. I called with Q9 and he screamed as he flipped over Q7. That was it, and after 3 dismal showings in these games in a row I was able to pull one out and get back into the money.

After this, the two of us and the host spoke about the idiot before, and how he won’t be coming back (even though he did donate his money to the winnings) – it just wasn’t as fun with him there. We decided to play a quick three handed game to get some decent poker out of the night, and I finished second to the host but it was great fun. He knocked out 3rd with AA and the very next hand I looked at the clock (2.00am) and remembering that I had to be up in a few hours for a busy Saturday with my distraction, I moved all in with KT. He called instantly with AK. On the board came one of each and I was very happy with the night in the end.

If in previous posts it had sounded like I was frustrated with poker, then this night redeemed it all. Sure, there was an hour or two where one bad egg was able to ruin the fun, but the rest of the night was great and showed me how much I do enjoy playing against good players. Live games are always more fun that internet games – maybe not profit wise, but that doesn’t really matter at this stage.

On a side note, I also got to see some poker on TV, a rarity these days as we no longer have cable television. It was the 2004 American Poker Championship which Phil Ivey won. But watching the majority of the final table (couldn’t watch it all because of a quick trip to get more alcohol) really showed the importance of playing your stack size and position. Sometimes watching good players is just as beneficial as playing with them, if not more so.

Life is not fair.

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?

"The Jerk"

That quote is funnier in the context of the movie. Speaking of which, why was it called "The Jerk"? Navin was anything but! But I'm already getting off track...

The title of this blog was brought to you by Saturday and half of Sunday. Even before I read Sir FWALG thingy's latest post, I fully believed that life was not fair and I had certifiable proof.

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT 1: To begin with, my house was over run by females (and one male friend, but he is quite literally gay). While this might not sound all that bad, lets examine which exact species of females we had present:

1 x Bride to be
4 x Bridesmaids
1 x Bride to be's mother.
1 x Bride to be's mother's mother.
1 x Gay friend of a bridesmaid that I spoke about earlier

Add to the mix many bridal magazines, dress fittings and bridal exhibitions, along with a healthy dose of champagne and wine tasting, and life was already looking like it wanted to kick me in the ass. Or was this a blessing in disguise? You see, they would be out all day while I could stay home and play poker clearing the deposit bonus all day long, and even partake in a $5K freeroll while I'm at it. That was my plan.

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT 2: On Friday night however, a friend let me know he was moving this weekend. Shit. I hate moving my own stuff, and I hate it even more when it is somebody else's. But when a friend asks, you must. So I gave him my morning as that would be enough to move what was left of the heavy stuff and that was all I was needed for. Not too bad. I got home and fired up the trusty PC for some $1/$2 holdem.

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT 3:

This guy sleeps with Shannon Elizabeth. Someone explain that?

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT 4: You know, if believing that when I get dealt pocket aces that every other player at the table should immediately forfeit their entire stacks to me is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Why does it hurt so much when your aces get beaten? And when they do get beaten, why is it always by some crap like 94o? Including the live games, in 2005 I have had pocket aces 8 times, and they have been cracked 7 of them. This shows why I hate limit holdem. I bet preflop, 1 player calls from middle position. Ragged flop, so I bet again, he calls. Now the turn brings what could be a gutshot draw for anybody silly enough to be holding 94o. I bet, he calls. The river brings one of the possible gut shots, I bet and he raises. I look up the definition of "crying call" in my handy pocket sized poker dictionary and scribble out the word "crying" and replace it with "scream for the four horsemen of the apocalypse to take this evil demon from this realm and rape him of his humanity and soul - call". Of course he had 94o. Now, the wise little poker playing philosopher would say "This is the kind of player you want to play against - he will pay you off in the long run." Obviously somebody wasn't listening because it happened again and again and again, and not just to this one guy. I counted no less than 12 times I flopped trips, and not once did they either turn into a boat or were big enough to win the hand. To say it was getting to me was an understatement. It's usually at times like these where you fold crap like 64o and they flop quads or something - I couldn't even hit my folded hands it was that bad. This Saturday cost me nearly 1/3 of my bankroll and I was still 100 hands or so away from clearing the bonus.

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT 5: Of those 8 times I mentioned where my aces were cracked seven of them, the other time I took down a $4.75 pot.

PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR, EXHIBIT...Oh, fuck it. I'll just continue telling my bloody story: I was not happy, let me tell you. I decided to once again try Omaha hi/lo, and got the same treatment. I do not know what constitutes a good hand in this game. It did not matter what I held, it was not good enough. I was getting pocket pairs that were hitting on the flop but the board would never pair. I learned quickly that if a flush or straight is possible, then somebody has it. I guess with four cards and people love to see a full board in Omaha, it is very likely. I couldn't even win the low half of the pot. If I held A2 or A3, it would be counterfeited. If I had the nut-1 low, you damn well betcha at least one person has the nut. Ok, I think I have got my point across - it was bad.

I checked my bonus account balance and I was still a few hands short. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sunday would be different, I told myself. I have the welcome free roll to compete in, and I love a good tourney. When I started, I thought I would even try a $5 tourney to get warmed up. Sadly, I was out early on when my flopped trips (AGAIN?) were beaten by a guy who pushed all-in with a flush draw. He didn't get it. He got a runner-runner straight though. I could feel the blood rising, but never fear because the free roll was around the corner, and first prize would be over $1K.

It's a fucking limit tourney. With 20 minutes rounds. And 700+ people. I no longer want to live.

After 45 minutes I have played about 4 hands and have climbed to 1200 chips out of a starting stack of 1000. Wow. Before long I get chopped down and down and at the first break I have 800. First hand after the break I get The Hiltons, and decided that due to the size of the blinds (and my current hatred of everything) I am already pot committed before the betting has even got to me. We eventually get all-in with me, another small stack and one large one. I have QQ, small stack has JJ and the big stack has AA. Nice. A Jack hits and nothing else, so it is all over for me.

I decided to try $1/$2 Omaha (not hi/lo) to complete the needed hands for the bonus, after which I will cash out what is left (if any at all) and buy cyanide pills. I was two tabling 6 max to get it over with.

I can't explain it, but everything changed. I remember thinking "Why do I hear everyone else say 'The deck was just smacking me in the face' and never me?" Well, I could do no wrong this time around. I had Trips become a boat at least 6 times. Even once when the big stack across the table showed 7's over Queens, I showed Aces over 7's. You bet I got paid off on that one. I was so proud. It all happened so quickly - and when I had an open ended straight-flush draw I thought it couldn't get any better. Unfortunately the SF didn't come, but my jack high flush was good enough today. I tripled my buy in on one table in less than 30 minutes, and nearly doubled the other. It was a very welcomed change - I turned around 40 hours of bad luck into one hour of good and by the time I finished the bonus requirement, I stopped and took stock of what was left. A week ago I deposited $370 with the best of intentions. Now, after clearing a bonus and one good hour of play, I have $369.24.

Now all I need is my 2% in AlCantHang to pay off, and I can will no longer need the pills.

Home Games and Leaving Home Games

Bernie Focker: Can you believe I fathered him with just one testicle?

"Meet the Fockers"

I've got some poker playing to talk about, so buckle up.

Predictably, after that last post I decided to take the advice of another blogger and ply my trade back into Party and try to clear another bonus. So far my three sessions have been up $10, down $30 and up $10 - so not too bad so far. I did make my favorite mistake YET AGAIN and signed up for a limit SNG. I think I came in about 5th or something, but I got some good notes on the other players. Absolute calling stations, unbelievable. I did not see one 3-bet during this tournament. It was amazing but at the end of the day I did not have the cards to pull it off. Eventually I was gone when my small flush was too small.

I did try a little of Omaha pot limit, and was happy with my results. I usually like Omaha Hi/Lo because for some reason I rock and getting the nut low and betting it so I take down the high as well. Happens all the time, but for this game I decided to only play normal Omaha and look after the high. First hand I get dealt A247, and regret it already.

After the second hand, my lovely distraction wakes up and informs me that we will be leaving the house in T minus 5 minutes. Great, what a way to plug a session. Then after another few folds, I get pocket fours and decide they are golden. "These fours", I say to myself, "represent my retirement plan." I raise pre-flop and get four callers. And what do you know, a four pops up on the flop. Another player across the table bets the pot limit, which was about $4 or something, and gets two callers to me. I have a distraction standing at the door holding three bags of rubbish and waiting for me to relieve her of them. So what do I do? Raise the pot limit $17 out of my $23 stack. Did I mention this was high limit poker? No? Good, cos if I did I was lying. One guy thought and thought about it until he folded. Don't know if this was a good move or not on a 4TQ rainbow flop, but I had to leave and the pot was already big enough to give me a profit for the extremely small session. Not a bad way to spend our national holiday.

The night before however was home game night! We always play $15 entry SNG with massive starting stacks to get full value out of the games. In the past, my finishes have been 4th, 1st, 1st, 2nd, 6th - with the top three getting paid. As the new host of these games, I was hoping to put up a decent showing. I failed. I came in 4th in both games, but I lost on decent hands so I guess I can take that with me. 3 hands deserve a mention.

First game, five people left and I am coming second by a small margin. Dealt in late position The Hiltons. Ok, my best hand so far. The small stack UTG pushes all in. Brilliant, I hope to take him out and anybody else who calls. The next to act is the chip leader, who too goes all-in. Ah, shit. This was the one thing I did not want to happen. He didn't even hesitate on it. I have the third best starting hand possible. There are two other's in this hand. What are the chances one or both of them have the cowboys or the rockets? I contemplate what I should do - if I win, I not only knock out another place but I will also cripple the chip leader. If I loose, well then I bubble out in my own home game. I decided to fold, thinking I just made a brilliant lay-down. I think this was the first sign the beer was catching up to me. The short stack flipped over 88, while the big stack showed 99. Damn it - and wouldn't you know it, the very first card on the flop was a Queen. The turn brought an 8 so the short stack doubled up enough to play properly again. I hated this hand.

Hand number 2 worth a mention in the first game, I am dealt those lovely red aces. I can't over bet here because it is way too obvious, so I make a pre-flop raise of about 4BB - enough to show a little strength I think, but easy enough for everyone to call if they are feeling lucky. The flop comes Ten high, and I check. The player to my immediate left makes a very big bet indeed. This was at the stage of the game where all-ins were not uncommon and scaring people off with TPTK was not uncommon. I decided that this was what he had, or at best an OESD. I decided to go back over the top for everything, and he calls. I show Aces, he shows 66 - you know that ten high flop? Well it too had a 6 in it. Shit. I'm out as he has me covered.

Hand number three, in the second game I am dealt AQh and again raise pre flop. I get two callers on a Queen high flop. I check to see the action, and so does everybody else. An ace hits me fair in the face on the turn and I again checked. The same player who knocked me out in the first game goes all in. Isn't there some rule about not going broke in an un-raised pot? I decided my top two pair would have to teach him this rule. The alcohol had definitely hit me by now, and it was about 2am. I say "I have to see" and call. He has the Hiltons for flopped trips again. And again, it is good enough to kick me in the ass. I became dealer after this and couldn't even do that right as I showed cards, miss called bet amounts and suffered premature dealings a few times. It was all in good fun though and nobody was adversely affected by it.

Again, it was great fun but I was disappointed that I lost in the same way two times in a row, and that lay down of the Queens pissed me off even more. I did play some good hands though, but I can't remember what they were. One player at the table was being accused of becoming a calling station, and I managed to make him fold to me three times when I had rags. In fact, I can't remember winning many hands at showdown at all for the night - it probably did happen but my memories are really centered around the three worst played hands I had during the night.

On the GWR front, we have all the info we need to get started, and the record we plan to break is very doable, just as we had hoped. I will post more as it become available.

On another non-poker front, I got a new mobile phone today. I'm such a sucker for a new toy. My old phone was one of the crappiest on the market, even though I had programmed in the theme music to "Leisure Suit Larry" as my ringtone. Now the new phone has everything you expect these days for a free phone on a plan - mp3, picture and video capture, I can assign pictures and specific ring tones to different people - but best of all, it looks just like the one Jack Bauer used in the early seasons of "24". I already took a picture of my desk top wall paper here at work and made that my phone's wall paper. Is that silly?

UPDATE: I couldn't help myself. I now own 2% of AlCantHang. I had my last drink more than 38 hours ago, so can somebody come up with an excuse for my behaviour for me?

Crossroads, again.

Ethan: You know, I'm this close to buying one of those knockless doors. You know, the big rubber ones.

"Ctrl-Alt-Delete"

That quote is from Ctrl-Alt-Delete, a web comic that has been around for a few years but I have only just found. If you are a fan of video games, check it out. Gave me a laugh and I have read the entire archive in the past few days.

I have come to a cross road in my little quest here at Poker On Film. How should I play? Except for one hand, my limit play has absolutely sucked. So shoudl I continue on no-limit play then? Sure, but I can't afford to go higher really that the 25NL tables, and last time I tried that I think I lost something like 7 buy-ins in a row. That hurt my little bank roll. So what about tournaments? Well, I left myself $100 at Pacific to play in the tournaments, but during the week the only ones I can play in a $5 fast tournaments, where I end up doubling up early and then going all in on a mediocre hand because of the high blinds. Through this I have whittled the stack down to $35. The really good tournaments at my level ($10 are best for me, but I will dabble in $20) are only on Saturday and Sunday mornings - and our weekends are already booked out for the next month and a half.

What about the casino challenge? I firmly believe the variance is too great and the "expected value" from Scurvy is at the higher end of the scale. While I did get above it in some cases, it was from breaking the rules and betting $100 on a hand or from sheer luck that they waved the WR for me. Don't get me wrong, when I started the challenge I had $100 invested and now it is $400, but some referral bonuses are included in that and I think I have risked enough of it. Besides, all the casinos I have left to hit are the higher risk ones and there is a goo dchance I could walk away with nothing.

The other major problem I have is the wedding. The disraction and I have decided to have the wedding in my home town to save on the costs. We had a budget in mind, confirmed with each other, and set along our ways. Last night, after the distraction allocated a cost to everything she wanted, the budget had been blown out by 50%. That's a big price explosion. I had a look at the budget and had it back down to where it should be in five minues (table decorations, $800? Try $150. Disposable cameras on every table? BYO. I mean seriously, why do we need to spend $500 getting personalised little boxes to hold some lollies? Cross that out too). Even with my grand budgeting skills, we need help. I need to make some winning moves, and you can imagine how good playing with all that in mind goes. Yep, definately a good way to start out a game. I have considered pulling the $400 out, but it really won't put a dent in it. I have also considered going back to Party to try the jackpot tables, because if the jackpot hasn't gone of yet (and it probably has by the time you read this), the play should be pretty loose. And who knows, I may even be the one that hits it. But my limit play really sucks, and with $400 at $2/$4 level, I really can't afford much variance.

The smart thing to do would be to grind it out at .50c/$1 tables and learn the limit game. I may just wait until my Pacific account is dry to decide though. I did finsh 65th out of 400 in a $2.50 tournament though. Average stacked, I went all in with the jacks against the chip leader who had AKh. He had the flush by the turn. Thi shas happened a few times for me lately, I guess the 50/50 will have to fall my way eventually.

Big congrats to Double A's and his mightly tournament win. Wow, these blogger's keep the big events coming. On a non-poker front again, I have some exicting news on the work front. For the first time in a long time, I have something to be excited about at work - a store opening. Now a store opening itself is not a big deal, I have been organised 4-5 since I started. But this one is different. I am going to organise for us to break a Guiness World Record on the day, and it got approval from my boss just yesterday. Woo Hoo! I've always wanted to be a GWR holder, and now I get the chance. I'm not allowed to say which record we are having a crack at, and I won't even know the full details for us to qualify until next week but from what we can gather, it is very doable. I'm looking forward to posting more about this later.

Cheerio.

The Little Games

[Bob notices the little boy on the tricycle staring at him for the second day in a row]
Bob Parr: What are YOU waiting for?
Little Boy on Tricycle: I don't know. Something amazing, I guess.
Bob Parr: Me too, kid

"The Incredibles"

I had one of the best SNG games ever last night, I just had to write about it. Sure, I won 20 cents doing it, but it showed me how much I have learned in the last 6 months and was one of the most fulfilling victories I've had in that time. All for 20 cents profit. Funny that.

Anyway, it was at Poker Pages again in a 10 person SNG. I had the big blind for the first hand. On a tangent, the seating is random in these but I don't really mind getting the big blind first up. I mean, the cards are random anyway right? So off we go, and one guy wins the first three hands, 2 of them at showdown, and he's talking it up in the chat box. Nothing major, just the odd "nh", "gg", "thought you had me there hey?", like I said nothing major. But he walked to chat every single hand. Obviously he got some nice cards very early, but he also got the maximum out of them and busted two people in those hands. He would raise pre-flop to isolate and then induce the opponent to push with TPTK on the turn to his made flush or to two pair. It was well done, and I decided to attach some notes on his screen name. I did not play a single hand for 1 1/2 orbits until I was dealt AQo. In early position the other player (I don't know if it was a he or she, but lets just call them "Spin") raises it again, and I went for the pre-action click on "raise pot". I believe raising the pot was a good move, but I wanted it to be the instant raise variety to show that I didn't even have to think about it. I don't know what other people think about players when they do the auto check or fold or raise, but I always take notice of it at least. Anyway, it gets folded around to me, I raise the pot, and then folded back to him. He thinks about it and then chats "nice bet" and folds out. It was a nice little pot and my tight image certainly helped.

Players busted left right and center, and only once by me. With AT, and with Spin already mucked, I just limped with 3 others. The flop was Ten high, and I checked to see if anybody else was interested. One player minimum raised, the rest folded so I called. Calling here - was that the right decision? I'm not sure. The turn was another Ten, and again I checked. He went for a bigger raise, and I was over the top all-in. The player called and showed a smaller pocket pair and got no help on the turn.

As it goes on, I am able to raise pre-flop and get Spin to fold another 3 times. Other than that, I fold, fold, fold, and hardly see any flops. Spin is playing well, and hardly anybody gets the chance to limp.

We are down to three, in the money, and Spin is at $7500, the other guy and I are nearly even at $3500 each or there abouts. We float around for a bit and after a few wins I let Spin knock out the third place to put us heads up and dead even.

We go back and forth for a while. He raises from the small blind, I go back over the top and he folds. This worked a few times, and he only called me once. I had A8 and hit a ace on the flop. We ended up all in and he was holding A6. The board ended up pairing and with over cards so we split the pot - but it was worth the information.

We split another pot later when I limped in with 86, and hit one of each on a 862 rainbow flop. I min-raised and Spin went all in over the top. Beautiful - I call and flip over my 86o only to see his 86o. Oh well, what can you do?

After about 30 hands heads up, I did have him crippled at under $1500, but his auto all-ins pulled off 3 in a row and we were back to even, and then he had me out chipped 2-1 when the deck ran cold. A few all-ins that were folded to and some kind scary flops put me back into the lead, $8K to $7K.

Finally, I get a premium hand. KK, and in the small blind. I call, and watch in joy as Spin raises. I re-raise for 1/2 my stack. Spin thinks, and then pushes. Well, what else can I do? I push and he shows KJo. As they should, the dominate hand holds true, and I take home the bounty. I congratulated him, and it was returned, then the computer was shut down.

I was fortunate, because if Spin was any less of a player, I might have faired a lot worse. I was fully aware what my table image was, and how each bet I made was perceived. When I made pot sized raises pre-flop, my show of strength was respected. I made the same bet the same way a few times and got to show my hand to prove it was worth the bet I made, and it was noticed. Many people take the "Play the players" approach, and I think that extends to yourself (see children, I could have said "that extends to playing with yourself", but that's much too low brow for me. I'm mature now). I couldn't even tell you who else was at this table, as I was focused on only Spin and myself. It was a nice little game that took about 45-50 minutes for only 20 cents profit, but it was great poker and great fun.

Why the Good go Un-rewarded

Sirius Black: Brilliant, Snape; once again you've put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion. Now if you'll excuse us, Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to.
Professor Snape: Give me a reason. I beg you.
Professor Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool.
Sirius Black: He can't help it. It's habit by now.

"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"

I have spent more time recently reading other blogs than I have doing anything that can be mentioned in my own. Not that I haven't been plying my trade online - for I have, even stepped it up recently. But the blogging community that I am a (not so) humble outsider of is booming. It seems every second blog I read has some massive new event occurring. Whether it is turning pro, winning cruises, getting paid for blogging or hitting your third damn straight-flush in about as many months, things are certainly coming along for the blogging elite. It seems that I read other blogs to learn about poker, and I write my own to purge. I like the self-indulgent style of The World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever, and I like that it contrasts somewhat to what others are doing. We're a happy little community, are we not?

Been hitting a few more of the tournaments at Pacific of late. Now I know everybody hates their software (myself included), but I just love how the tournaments are run. No re-buys. No bloody re-buys. And the size of them is always big enough to get decent prize money yet small enough to give you a shot at it. I have been unlucky of late, loosing my coin-flips and being out played to be thrown to the tournament lobby.

In one such tournament, out of 180 starters we were down to 60, and I had doubled up twice but still very much a low stack thanks to the quickly rising blinds. At the $100/$200 level, carrying $960 on the big blind, I had pocket 3's a resigned to pushing if there were not many runners in this one. Luckily, the entire table folded except for the small blind ($1700) who tried for a steal from the short stack (me) and min-raised the pot. Perfect for me, as I was going all-in even if he just called. I did so, and he used about half his time before calling. He showed J8s, so I pretty much think he was on a steal and then thought why the hell not, it's the small stack what is the worst that could happen? The flop came T7x, the gutshot 9 on the turn and it was all over for me. Can't really fault his play on that, my stack just wasn't big and scary enough to throw him off for a heads up battle with the small stack.

Another tournament, in the early stages (about level 2 or 3) I was able to limp into a 5 player flop with ATo. Flop comes KKQ. Ok, not all bad but certainly something to worry about. In early position so I check to see if anybody else likes what they see. Everybody else checks - ok, I say there is about an 80% chance somebody has at least a king and is looking to slow play them. The turn is my gut shot jack, with all suits on the board, so I raise to find out who has the King. I get one guy calling. Ok, he definitely has a King - does he have the boat? I check on the river rag, and he raises. It's a pretty big pot now at over $2000, and I only have $500 left. With a Broadway straight I know I am done if he has a boat, and I need something to boost me up otherwise I'm in the push or fold mode from here on. I check-raised all-in and he instantly calls. He shows KJ for a boat on the turn - sadly, the same gut-shot straight I was looking for gave him the nuts. I bowed out, unable to lay down the straight. Probably not my best play pre-river, but I really had no other choice after that.

I did manage to pull out a win on Poker Pages in a 50c SNG, netting myself $2 for the win. I like playing this micro limit games on Poker Pages because the software is good and the starting stacks are $1500, more than anywhere else I've seen. The major down side is the high level of "professors" at the table. My god, somebody raised against a small stack (2.5BB) and then the small stack pushes, so the raiser calls with K4s going against JJ. A king hits and he takes it down. I don't see a huge problem with this play - why not make the extra call to see the low stack? It only cost him another bet out of a 12-15BB stack. I'd make that call with only one card. But about 4 players at the table berated him for the rest of the game. On of the golden rules amongst the blogging elite - Don't tap the glass. That's exactly what I typed in the chat box, the only thing I typed all game. Apparently no bloggers or readers were at the table, because nobody knew what I was talking about. Oh well, I showed them though. Thought that $2 prize was yours did you? NO! It's mine, all mine! Bow down before me and...Oh, they've left already. Lost the next one when all in with 77 against A2h, got the third heart on the turn. Such is life.

And I haven't forgot about the casino challenge either. I fired up Ace Club, and was absolutely dedicated to betting the minimum and not breaking the rules. Man, I was going well too. After an initial deposit of $100, and with the bonus of another $100, I worked it up to a peak of $230, then held around the $200 mark for a while before dropping to $170 and finally with 26 hands before the $1600 WR was complete, I was at $138. That means no matter what happens, I get a profit of some description. I played the final 24 hands and ended with exactly $140. I went to cash out and then was declined. Of course, you have to wait 24 hours right? No you dumbass - you have to read the rules before you start playing. The WR at Aceclub is $6000, not $1600. I felt so stupid - Scurvy Dog's site even says this. I didn't read it properly, I fall victim again. I tried to get to the $6000 mark but of course the bank roll ran dry before I could reach $4000. Oh well, that's the risk you take I guess.

Little compensation

Abe Sapien: Remind me why I do this again.
Hellboy: Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.
Abe Sapien: Ah!

"Hellboy"

Hello boys and girls, and welcome back to another devine session of enlightenment from the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever". Do you think I'm selling myself a bit short there? Let's move on.

A littel bit of help came along with the Casino Bonus stuff. Since Casino County closed down for some reason, they transferred the accounts back to Star Luck casino, and gave me a tenner for the trouble. What they didn't transfer was the WR, as I was only up to $300 out of the $1600. While the cash out took much longer than it should have, it was finally approved today. So here is a little update on how it is all going:

Casino Expected Profit
SD.......................................... HEAFY
StarLuck $90.00..................... $40
CasinoCounty $81.00 .............$120
PlanetLuck $90.00...............$221
William Hill $70.00
AceClub $63.00
Casino-On-Net $193.00...........-$200
Reef Club $175.00
InterCasino $88.00
Omni Casino $88.00
GoldenStars Casino $110.00

So counting the casino I have tried, I am $273 behind. Wow, that Casino on Net really hurt. But I'm still $181 in the black (plus a few other referral kickbacks, if you don't mind). After cashing out at Casino County and busting at CoN, I now have $0 invested in any online casino, and I am ready to get going again. Problem is the internet connection situation at home, which of course has a story attached to it. I call it "Why New Years Eve Sucks". Do gather round.

New Years Eve sucks (well, good start so far). I can remember spending more than one of the past New Years Eve trying to find a chemist that was open to help me through some poorly timed sickness. For some reason, I rarely get sick at all. I power on through everything. But when it does get me, man it hits hard. So the big night's of celebration get cut short. But not this year - this year, I'm fighting fit and ready to go.

I'm also not a big fan of massive crowds. I'd rather chill with about a dozen friends and drink alcohol while telling lies than cram into Sydney Harbour and try to fork out $50-$100 cover charges to get into an equally packed club and pay $10 for a beer. Fortuanly, our new place has a gret up stairs balcony, which we could see all over Sydney as several different suburbs had their local fireworks display.

Now my little distraction was also enjoying some refreshing drinks. You could say she was enjoying them a lot. I politely suggested she switch for some lovely ice water for a short period of time. Such a suggestion was rebuffed and scoffed at (all at once). No more than a few moments later she rushed down stairs to get some one else a champagne glass - the time was about 11:30pm. Having reached the third last step on her way to the kitchen, the distraction was distracted and thought she was already at the bottom. She took a huge step forward instead of downward and found out that not only was the sky falling, she was too. She landed the wrong way on her right foot and fell over it. She spent the rest of the night on the couch with ice, missing all the displays we could see from the balcony.

The next day, it had ballooned a little so a visit to the emergency ward was in order. I don't think they should call it the "Emergency" ward. We were told ever so politely to wait 40 minutes before we could "register" then wait some more before a nurse could see my distraction and decide whether we could upgrade to a doctor. This happened in time, and eventually we saw not one but two doctors, and got a cast put on that right foot. 4 hours later, we were on our way home. To get to our apartment, it requires 3 flights of stairs. No lift. Being very uncoordinated, our littel one-legged distraction could not negotiate these stairs alone. I had to carry her up there in a very unlady like fashion. This continues to this day.

As an added extra bonus, this is the busiest time of year for her at work and she had to go in on Sunday 2nd Januaray and also the 3rd, which was a public holiday. Since it is her right foot that is fooked, she can't drive. I have to drive her in and then come back to pick her up at what ever hour is needed. Now, she has been allowed to work from home via her laptop while sitting on the couch. Which is why I can't play online poker or blackjack at the moment - because she has the little laptop running from the lounge nearly all the time.

So I guess it is time to cool my heels a little. Trying to organise a live game again in the near future, see how it goes. Other than that, the silly season is fully over and now back to the daily office grind.

When a good read is a bad read

Ted Castellucci: Objection, Your Honor! The court is interested in the truth, not the opinion of the defendant's father.
Lenny: You want my opinion? My son is a moron.
Ted Castellucci: I withdraw my objection. Please proceed!

"Big Daddy"

Yes, I have actually played some poker since my last post. Real poker. Texas Holdem poker. I lost my buy-in on a $5 SNG (all in with suited big slick, lost to Qd7h with five diamonds on the board), then pulled out a win on a $15 one. Funny game, we're heads up and on a pretty ragged flop and turn, my opponent bets. I know he doesn't have crap, maybe overs at best but I only have top pair no kicker. I think I'll try a move here - raise. Due to my stack size though, there is only one decent raise I can make so I push. He thinks abuot it then calls. I show my K9 and he shows K8 - we both have a pair of kings and sixes with ten kicker. A split pot, but it means I now know he is full of crap. Eventually I check my set post flop and he bets out. I catch a boat on the turn and it is all over for him.

I decided to keep my poker goign and drop into a $20 tournament. I double up early when again my set becomes a boat. I hand around here for a while then look to make a move when holding QJ in the big blind I limp with 3 runners. The flop comes TJQ rainbow. Two pair is nice, not the nuts but nice none the less. One player bets and all the others fold. I look deep into his digital soul, and I am 99.9% certain he doesn't have big slick. I KNOW he doesn't have it. This was a brilliant read. On this table, I know he would have raised pre-flop with it if he did. I limped from the BB, so he has no idea what I might have. He doesn't have big slick, so maybe I can represent it and beat him holding an ace or king looking to draw to the nut straight. I went all in as the pot was already $700 plus his $300 bet and my $1400 stack. He called, and then confirmed my read. He didn't have big slick. He did only have the king and was looking to draw to the nut straight. Problem was, he ALREADY had the nut-1 straight. He was holding K9. I never improved and ended my tournament there. A little bit of a clumsy move, but you've got to live to learn.

Which brings me to the casino challenge.

A quick "Rounders" reference first. Matt Damon says "Your goal is to win one big bet an hour..." This refer's I think to live play poker. It however does not refer to online blakjack. Remember this for later. I had one of the most unbelievale runs at Casino on Net over the weekend.

I deposited $200 for the 100% bonus. Looking good, had a bit of trouble getting the entire 100% but it got there eventually. Since the WR is so high, I decided that I was allowed to break the rules here and bet above the minimum. My standard bet became $3, but $5 was not uncommon. Pretty soon I was down to just over $300, and the little voice started up again. I decided this was the hand where I would put out the big bet again. I pressed the black $100 chip and went forth.

I'am dealt a 3. Oh shit. Oh shit.

She's dealt a 5. Ok, that could have been worse.

I get an 8. Uh huh, this is both good and bad news. The good news is 11 against the dealer showing five is normally a very good position. The bad news is, as they say in "Swingers" you should always double on 11. I have to double to $200 on this one. But I did it damn it, I doubled to $200 and set my hopes on the next card.

My connection seems a little slow. This couldn't happen could it? Nope, here it comes...

Ten of diamonds. Or it could have been clubs, hearts or spades for all I remember. All I know is that I was dealt a ten. I had bet $200 and hit 21 against the dealer showing a five.

She flipped over her other card to show a 4. A 9 count, and here come the cards...

A deuce, shit, now it's 11 and a good chance for a push.

Another deuce, and into the not-so-lucky 13 spot. Looking good.

A seven, for a grand total of twenty, just one short of me again.

I drew in a deep breath, and then pu tout $3 for the next hand. Ove rthe weekend, I was able to build this up to $550 a few times and then it would drop back to $500 but rarely below. I would be more than happy to cash out at $500, that would be an awesome return but I just had to clear the WR which was $2K.

A quick tip here - some might disagree with this but it worked for me. I don't mind getting a "push" here and there. Sure, I'm not gaining any but I'm also not loosing and the WR is getting closer still. I got bored of blackjack and decided to try Pai-Gow poker. Out of the first 20 hands, I won 1 and lost 2, betting $10 per hand. That means I advanced the WR by $200 and lost only $10.50. That's not too bad methinks. I mean, I wouldn't like to do it for the entire bonus amount, but if you are looking to just get that WR up there wuickly without loosing too much, it seemed ok this time. The majority of the time I would win the low hand and loose the high or vice-versa. Just a thought for you all out there.

The WR was coming too slowly, and all I could think about was how much this would mean to my bank roll. Now, remember that "Rounders" quote from above? I didn't even know it was possible in blackjack, but I went on tilt. I lost hand after hand after hand. I would be dealt 18 and the dealer would get a four card 21. down and down it went, and then I doubled my bets. The streak continued and before long I was down to $200. Fuck that, this was just an unbelievable streak. I estimate 60 hands, he had BJ at least 10 times and I won only 2-3 hands. With the last $200, I put it ALL IN on the one hand. Surely, this was my time to learn my lesson and be spanked by the gambooling gods that had treated me so well.

I was dealt 16 as he showed a queen. Damn, was this sending a message or what? As my BJ strategy card says, this is a "hit" situation. So I did, and got a king to bust me out. He flipped over a 9 to show me it was a lost cause anyway.

So I busted out for the first time, and on the biggest deposit out of them all too. The good news is though my last casino went so well that I m stil very much in the black at the moment. I will continue on.

Read a great post over at Uwannabet about a little chat log he was a part of. Very interesting game, and I say it shows that the gambling gods believe in karma.

It's still poker, isn't it?

Prince Edmund: Percy, you are dismissed from my services.
Percy: Me? why?
Prince Edmund: Because Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly. And the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a furry cod-piece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. THAT is why you are dismissed.
Percy: Oh, I see.
Prince Edmund: And as for you, Baldrick...
Baldrick: My Lord?
Prince Edmund: You're out too.

"The Black Adder"

One of the presents I was lucky enough to get over Christmas (lucky as in I picked it while my fiance wrapped it) was the four seasons of the Black Adder seires. What can I say, you either like Biritsh sitcoms or you love them.

Scury Dog's Casino bonus challenge has certainly been somthing different. I have cashed out of Planet Luck casino a fair bit in front. Aside from the one time I threw $100 out on the table, I had an amazing run towards the end. When I finsihed the WR of $1600, I was ready to cash out my $280. But you have to wait 24 hours after meeting the requirment before you cash out. This normally isn't a big problem, but I was about to leave for Melbourne for a few days and that would delay the whole process more. So just before we were ready to head to the airport, I fired up the casino and tried to make the withdrawal - only 20-21 hours not the required 24 after passing the requirement. Naturally, the withdrawal was denied. Why then, why don't I try to make them pay for this insolence? Why don't I try to make the $280 bigger? I could see the mafia bosses no doubt behind this casino laughing, thinking another punter has been drawn into their little plan. Wait 24 hours? Why, that's just enough time for them to get the itch and loose the lot.

I even ventured away from Blackjack.

I wanted to play poker. 3 card poker.

On the first inspection, I coudn't see how this game was -EV. Basically if your 3 cards beats the dealers, you win - right? Well, yes that is right, but only if the dealer has a King. Otherwise, no matter what I've got it is a nil all draw. I was less than happy about that fact. Welcome to the world of qualifying hands! I had played a little of 3-card poker in the free-play, just to get used to it. I even hit a striaght flush, which was nice.

I set myself the task of giving it a shot, if I fell below $250 then I would stop. Naturally, I went straight down in quick fashion, and on the last hand before I fell below the mark (always playing pairs plus) I hit a Flush. Brilliant, now I was back right where I started. Before long, I also hit a straight, even better. I decided my little dash was over so I made the withdrawal at $321. Below I will compare my results with the "expected" results of SD.

Casino Expected Profit
SD.......................................... HEAFY
StarLuck $90.00..................... $40
CasinoCounty $81.00 .............$221
PlanetLuck $90.00
William Hill $70.00
AceClub $63.00
Casino-On-Net $193.00
Reef Club $175.00
InterCasino $88.00
Omni Casino $88.00
GoldenStars Casino $110.00

So I am a little ahead at this time. I have already started at Casino County, and after 300 hands I am up to $210. I am keeping track of this one very well, even on how many times I get blackjack, the dealer gets blackjack and how many times we push with it. Interesting to me at least.

I am trying to organise a home game for the new year, hopefully 1st or 2nd of January to co-inside with the public holidays. No word on them yet.

Had fun down at Crown Casino in Melbourne, by far Australia's best casino and host of the Austrlian Poker Championships next month. Their poker room is impressive by Aussie standards, with about 20 tables and well organised. We were there at lunch time to find out the poker room doesn't open until 4pm. We had to catch a plane that night so we were leaving the casino at about 4.30pm. I watched from the rail for a little while at what looked like a $2/$4 game. Passive enough, everybody either limps or folds pre-flop. They had some $10/$20 games just starting as we left.

My brother sat down at $10 blackjack with only $50, just to waste some time. First hand, blackjack. Nice start. Then he hit 20, 20, 19. All wins. A push on 19, then another twenty and already he has doubled his money. The little asian lady next to him stopped playing her own hand and bet on his. It was a nice run, and he pocketed his initial outlay plus a $20 gain and then plaied the remainder until it went dry. On one hand the dealer showed a ten, when my brother had A7. Now, my little strategy card says hit here. Dealer called "18" though, instead of "8 or 18". My borther said hit. Dealer says "Hit? On 18?". Yep. So he gets his third card, another ace. "19. Smart Arse." He stood on 19 and the dealer got blackjack anyway. While it may seem in writing that the dealer was being nasty, it was pretty funny and good to see they can show some personality in what must be a pretty hard job at times (remember, you can't tip your dealer in Australia).

The only other activity that got close to poker was a few games of echure we played. 6 handed, the game ends when one team hit 15 points. Out of the 5 games, the scores were 15-1, 15-0, 15-9, 15-12, 15-4. Of course, my team won them all. It was uncanny, we just couldn't loose. Even the one close game when we were loosing 2-12 we never looked threatened. If only there was money on the line...

Weather is here, wish you were beautiful

Rusty: Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on Mom!
Clark Griswold: It's all part of the act, Russ.

"Vegas Vacation"

What can I say, I'm a fan of the Griswolds. Not many people liked the forth installment, but I did for whatever reason. And I don't really like Chevy Chase - go figure.

I have lost count of how many write ups I have read about the WPBT event in Vegas over the last few days. Jealousy is runnign through my veins like you wouldn't believe. Everybody has a differnent perspective on the time spent in Sin City, I felt like I was there anyway. I wonder how many times the people where drinking it up and rasing the hammer, all the time thinking "I can't wait to blog about this!" Or perhaps such peril thoughts never even entered the ever-inebriated mind of the poker faithful present.

I have one full day of work left before I leave for Melbourne to meet up with the whole family for Christmas. Man, am I looking forward to that. besides all the obvious reasons surounding Xmas, this will also be the first time I will see my family since I got engaged. This means there will be lots of wedding talk (which I have become used to) and showing off of the ring so on and so forth. But it also means I get to show off one of the coolest engagment present ever. I can't wait to tell mum to just push the button because it says funny stuff and then see the look on her face when the volts go through. Tormenting my dear mother is fun, espeically around Xmas time.

The Blackjack gods have gone mad. Firstly, after my little rebellion last time at the table, I went back yesterday to get a few more hands in to meet the WR. After about an hour I was down to $210 and had enough for now. Later on I had to go back online for something else and I thought I would just check in for a little while to show the others in the house what the program looks like and how I am going with it. Very first hadn I get dealt blackjack! This is good, because I have been keeping track of the blackjacks for me and the dealer (part of my ongoing investigation into how ever online gambling and poker site is rigged when I loose and legit when I win). So far the dealer has recieved blackjack 128 times. I have received blackjack 47 times. Out of that, 15 have been a push. That's a little lopsided methinks. Anyway, in this one session, I hit it 4 times to his none. I has happy. It was an amazing little run for 30 minutes that I played. I would sit on 14, and he would bust insted of drawing 2's and 3's until 17 like it had been for so long. When I doubled on 11, I got a picture card to make me look good. Eventually I stopped when I hit $250, and around $550 short of the WR. This looks like being a good little venture now, hopefully I can cash out about $200 in the nest few days. Oh, and my roomate also commented on the more than ample cleavage of the dealer. It's funny, because there is absolutely no need for it what so ever, yet somebody has taken the time to give you the option of a male dealer in a three peice suit or a female dealer in a cocktail dress giving her visual display of the prowess of her surgeon. Why? Seriously, this sprite would not look out of place in a Lesuire Suit Larry game.

Either way, the blackjack games are a nice little change from poker, which it is getting harder and harder to find the time to play. I'm not giving up by any means, and when I read every one else's blogs I still get that little itch that makes me want to run out and play right now. I still enjoy playing poker, I just won't have the time for a proper tournament run (at the right level) until early next year. We had a few hands on the weekend in a live game at home (free play only), and after a while it degenerated into a "Chinese Poker" game. At least that's what I think it is called - it's when you get dealt only one card and you put it on your head so everyone else can see it but you then bet wit hthe high card wining. Not only do you need a good poker face to win this game, but everyone else needs one too. On about the third hand, my future sister-in-law looks at my future wife and immeidately folds. Stevie Wonder could have seen that tell. Of course, she had an ace and every one else folded. One poor guy at the table had nothing above a five for about 10 hands. Ever time he thought he was due a good card, he bet big and everyone laughed. Another great tell, and he looked at his 2 of clubs with disgust. It was a great waste of an hour or so, and by then the alocohol was working it's magic.

52 little peices of plastic. Who would have thought they could mean so much fun?

Rebel without a Clue

Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: Promise me you'll never die and I'll make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.

"Team America: World Police"

Hello sports fans, and I hope that Santa brings you all the good river cards you asked for. In case I've never said so before, Christmas rocks. Mainly because here in Oz, it's the middle of summer and the weather is hot, Australia always plays a kick ass game of cricket on boxing day in Melbourne (which I will be attending this year) and we get a massive amount of public holidays. Oh yeah, and presents too. Got to love the presents. It's just an awesome time of year.

Work as been very hectic and so have the weekends with various other plans, so poker has not been played for some time now. I have completed the first step of the Casino Bonus program as I alluded to before. I think I cleared the $1600 wager limit in about 5 sessions, and only one of those sessions was I up (a massive $10). My worst was down $30. In the end I cashed out with $140 from my initial investment of $100 plus the $100 bonus - so all is good for step one. Step two is under way at Planet Luck casino, and it is a little different. At one stage I was down $70 after only wagering $350 - sticking to the rules, playing every hand exactly as I should and betting the minimum. That was a shitty session. I did hit blackjack 3 times in four hands at one stage (but one of them was a push, which has happend no less than 8 times so far). I've forgotten how many times I have been dealt 11 and then doubled againsta 6 only to get 12 or 13. Of course, he has 16 and hits a 3 to win. Hmpf. I guess that's how it goes.

So with $1300 to go and only $30 left in profit, I knew this was not going to be my site. But thanks to the first casino bonus (and some other referral bonus') I have more than the initial $100 in profit already. In other words, even if I totally bust out here at Planet Luck I can still continue with the rest of the bonus program. So then a little voice started in my head...Go on...Break the rules...Be a rebel...bet the MAXIMUM!

I thought about it. Chances are if I keep betting the minimum, eventually I will bust out before the $1600 mark. What if I put everything on just one hand? I thought about it some more, then when it came to the crunch, I couldn't do it. I bet the minimum, and lost that hand. Phew, imagine if I bet the maximum then? The next hand, same again. I lost 6 in a row, before a push. After a short time, I was down to $120 and nearly eating into my initial deposit - in other words, very soon I would be betting with my money and not the casinos. Then the voices started again. You may aswell, come on, give it a go. So I did. And I swear, it hurt; it physically hurt seeing $100 being put out in front of my virtual seat getting ever closer to the virtual dealer and her virtual massive cleavage. A normal blackjack hand I estimate takes 1.68 seconds to deal. I could swear these cards were in slow motion, and I had an age to think about the possibilies and consequences of each card as it fell.

First, to me, the King of spades. Excellent, thats a ten count straight off the bat. Could be the first card for a blackjack even. Or I could get a small card putting me in trouble of busting out. Or perhaps I could press the hit button by acident and hit on 18, or 19 - and maybe that will draw a 3 or a 2 to get to the promised land of 21?

First card face up to the dealer, ten of clubs. Thats not good. I had an advanatge, and now we're even. She is on a run that no man, women or machine could match. That first King, I swear I just saw him chuckle to himself.

Second card to me, Queen of hearts. This is good, becuase now I have no more decsisions to make. I can't split, because I don't have the money and I sure as hell can't hit on 20. I guess my fate now lies in the last card being dealt to the dealer face down.

I paused, pondering my fate. What happens if I loose this hand? The reality that very little would happen dawned on me very quickly, so I just pressed the stand button and waited for the virtual former playmate flip over her last card. I thought my chances of a push were 70%, my chance that she had blackjack were 20%, my chance that she would draw to 21 were 9% and the chance that I would actually win were somewhere around 1%. Confident that this added up to 100%, I opened my eyes to see what fate had dealt me.

The nine of diamonds.

Great, I bet she draws a 2 and then...Hang on, oh yeah, they must stand on 19. I quickly counted to 21 in my head, and yes 19 came right before 20 still. This was the first time I had ever bet more than $8 on a single hand (a few times I had split, then split and doubled) and it had worked without any effort. My balance was now $220, $20 above the initial bonus dollars and my deposit - and I was also $100 closer for the wagering bonus. I played a few more hands and before long I reached $240 and called it a night. I still have more than $1000 to wager before I can make a withdrawal, but it was very comforting. I broke the rules and won - I'm a rebel, a maverick among men. Of course, everyone else I have spoker to that has tried the challenge has broke the rules too, but most of them lost and none of them did it quite as cavalier as I did. Will I throw my entire bankroll on another hand again? Hell no. I know I have angered the gambling gods already, I figure I'll see if going back to the rules can let me fly under their radar.

For the record, I did try to tip the buxom dealer but she would have none of it. I considered asking her out for dinner, but since she had no head or legs I considered it was a waste of time. Besides, she seemed a little high maintenance.

Like a Phoenix from the ashes

Just a very quick update - we have been extremely busy with the pre-christmas hoopla going on here, as well as moving office so poker and blogging have taken a little bit of a back seat of late. I can report that after trying the first step of Scurvy Dog's Casino Bonus Whore challenge I recorded a profit of $40. I will give a proper update when I have the time, prehaps next week, and hopefully between now and then i will be able to play a little poker and catch up on some blog reading.

Cheers

If Carl Johnson says, it must be so.

Liz: It's just that with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out, and then that only exacerbates things.
Shaun: What you mean?
Liz: Well, you guys hardly get on, do you?
Shaun: No, I mean, what does 'exacerbates' mean?

"Shaun of the Dead"

Bloody brilliant movie. My room mate was a huge fan of "Spaced" and forced us to watch this movie - well, to be honest when the marketing describes it as a "Rom Zom Com", how can you go wrong? It'll make you laugh, make you cry and change your life. Well, maybe at least one of those.

I played a grand total of one game of poker on the weekend, a $5 fast tournament at Pacific. Damn, I should have learned my lesson in these. The levels rise up every 5 minutes, so you need some action very early on. I wasn't getting good enough hands to play - well, by my standards anyway. Everybody else was going all-in with K6 suited. And winning. Damn. From the initial 500, we were down to 136 when I was the short stack at the table and limped to see four to my nut-flush. There was aminimum bet in front of me so I pushed. He called with TPTK and I rivered the fifth spade for the win and doubled up - this meant I was $10 above average, the first time in the entire game I occupied such a position.

The next hand I played was very similar - with 77 people left, I had an OESD as well as a flush draw, and if both the turn and river were golden a straight-flush draw. I pushed again and this time got nothing when TPTK held up. Out in 77th, 27 places out of the money. I feel I played just fine, and I couldn't have limped into the money without a pot so I needed this one. I took a chance, and lost. No hard feelings, and for once at least my downfall was my own, not somebody else hitting a 4 outer on me!

Still waiting on Ultimate Bet to process my withdrawal so I can get on to the Casino Whore challenge. I have never played Black Jack for real money before, and to be honest I never thought I would. I know about the different "systems" and card counting options available to everybody and their autistic brother, but that would require far too much work (and Mum wasn't keen on having more kids anyway). So I downloaded one of these strategy cards that the Scurvy Dog suggested, and looked at it. Pretty, all those colours. I never knew "surrender" was an option at casinos - looks like a good deal for them anyway. I thought about trying it out to see what happens if I follow that strategy for some play money. After all, I know the house always has the advantage. So instead of getting onto some of the online casinos, I tried the "Four Dragons" casino in Los Venturas. That's Los Venturas of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I'm happy to say that my starting stack of $300,000 is now $900,000, and I'm on easy street (even dating one of the freaky croupiers!). Of course, I had to reload a couple of times because I owed the casino more than $1,000,000, but I figured 6 had to come up on the roulette wheel EVENTUALLY. Sadly, it did not. In all honesty, the strategy did work for this little tiny Black Jack simulation over a very small sample of hands. That's good enough to jusitfy the $100 experiment for me. And it it hadn't given me reason to jusitfy the experiment, I'm sure I would have found it elsewhere anyway.

Not much else happening folks. The WGPBE is very hot, very tired and ready to get into the casino action. We spent most of yesterday playing Halo 2 - elliminating all weapons besides the shotgun and running around playing silly buggers with it. Good fun. Now, when anybody is killed, it is a ritual to move over their body and kneel down repeativly. This places the crotch of your character over their head, in a move many drunken college kids have dubbed "The Tea Bag". Nothing could have been funnier to us that having the Master Chief getting Tea Baged by an Elite after haing a plasma grenade explode on his face. This kept us entertained and laughing in hysterics for hours, which says a lot for our maturity levels.

Sorry for those non-Halo folk who have no idea what I am talking about. I'll post more about poker when I play more poker.