Friday, April 15, 2005

My Life as an Amputee

Al Giordino: Man, the Admiral's gonna freak when he hears you blew up his satellite phone.
Dirk Pitt: Not as much as when Rudy tells him that it was attached to the boat.

Hello one and hello all. I have been absent from blogger land for over a week due to traveliing for work and then being struck down in my prime (flu). I also had the luck to undergo a small amputation during this hiatus. The good news is, the amputation was just a "skin tag" about the size of a pea that I have had since birth. The bad news is, it was located on my eye lid.

It was a very quick procedure, to rid me off this little friend that had lived with me for nearly 25 years. Just had to burn the little sucker off aparantly. Firstly though, I needed a little anesthetic. In my eye lid.

Now see, I am grown man. I have played many contact sports in my time. I have had ribs broken, torn ligaments and had my fair share of cuts and bruises. I pride myself on my high threshold of pain. Needles however are another thing. A needle being pressed gently into the thin layer of skin over your FUCKING EYE is terrifying - even more so because if I flinch or close my eyes hard, there is a little chance that the doc might slip.

The doctor wasn't bothering me with a running commentary, and of course I had my eyes closed for this so I had no idea what was happening and when. I still don't know if that is good or bad.

The procedure took about 10 minutes, though it felt like hours. When I finally opened my eyes, I looked on the little table and saw many gauzes and tissues stained red. It's amazing to think all that blood came from such a think layer of skin.

Sadly, Mr Doctor lost my little friend before I could have a look at him with my left eye for the first time ever. See, he was attached to the outside of my left eye, so for my right eye to see him I had to close my left. But I'm sure you understood that.

I now consider myself an amputee, and I have "phantom skin-tag" pains at random times.

Pity. He may have made a good card protector.

Or was that just a lame and disgusting way to somehow get this post related to poker?

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