Rebel without a Clue

Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: Promise me you'll never die and I'll make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.

"Team America: World Police"

Hello sports fans, and I hope that Santa brings you all the good river cards you asked for. In case I've never said so before, Christmas rocks. Mainly because here in Oz, it's the middle of summer and the weather is hot, Australia always plays a kick ass game of cricket on boxing day in Melbourne (which I will be attending this year) and we get a massive amount of public holidays. Oh yeah, and presents too. Got to love the presents. It's just an awesome time of year.

Work as been very hectic and so have the weekends with various other plans, so poker has not been played for some time now. I have completed the first step of the Casino Bonus program as I alluded to before. I think I cleared the $1600 wager limit in about 5 sessions, and only one of those sessions was I up (a massive $10). My worst was down $30. In the end I cashed out with $140 from my initial investment of $100 plus the $100 bonus - so all is good for step one. Step two is under way at Planet Luck casino, and it is a little different. At one stage I was down $70 after only wagering $350 - sticking to the rules, playing every hand exactly as I should and betting the minimum. That was a shitty session. I did hit blackjack 3 times in four hands at one stage (but one of them was a push, which has happend no less than 8 times so far). I've forgotten how many times I have been dealt 11 and then doubled againsta 6 only to get 12 or 13. Of course, he has 16 and hits a 3 to win. Hmpf. I guess that's how it goes.

So with $1300 to go and only $30 left in profit, I knew this was not going to be my site. But thanks to the first casino bonus (and some other referral bonus') I have more than the initial $100 in profit already. In other words, even if I totally bust out here at Planet Luck I can still continue with the rest of the bonus program. So then a little voice started in my head...Go on...Break the rules...Be a rebel...bet the MAXIMUM!

I thought about it. Chances are if I keep betting the minimum, eventually I will bust out before the $1600 mark. What if I put everything on just one hand? I thought about it some more, then when it came to the crunch, I couldn't do it. I bet the minimum, and lost that hand. Phew, imagine if I bet the maximum then? The next hand, same again. I lost 6 in a row, before a push. After a short time, I was down to $120 and nearly eating into my initial deposit - in other words, very soon I would be betting with my money and not the casinos. Then the voices started again. You may aswell, come on, give it a go. So I did. And I swear, it hurt; it physically hurt seeing $100 being put out in front of my virtual seat getting ever closer to the virtual dealer and her virtual massive cleavage. A normal blackjack hand I estimate takes 1.68 seconds to deal. I could swear these cards were in slow motion, and I had an age to think about the possibilies and consequences of each card as it fell.

First, to me, the King of spades. Excellent, thats a ten count straight off the bat. Could be the first card for a blackjack even. Or I could get a small card putting me in trouble of busting out. Or perhaps I could press the hit button by acident and hit on 18, or 19 - and maybe that will draw a 3 or a 2 to get to the promised land of 21?

First card face up to the dealer, ten of clubs. Thats not good. I had an advanatge, and now we're even. She is on a run that no man, women or machine could match. That first King, I swear I just saw him chuckle to himself.

Second card to me, Queen of hearts. This is good, becuase now I have no more decsisions to make. I can't split, because I don't have the money and I sure as hell can't hit on 20. I guess my fate now lies in the last card being dealt to the dealer face down.

I paused, pondering my fate. What happens if I loose this hand? The reality that very little would happen dawned on me very quickly, so I just pressed the stand button and waited for the virtual former playmate flip over her last card. I thought my chances of a push were 70%, my chance that she had blackjack were 20%, my chance that she would draw to 21 were 9% and the chance that I would actually win were somewhere around 1%. Confident that this added up to 100%, I opened my eyes to see what fate had dealt me.

The nine of diamonds.

Great, I bet she draws a 2 and then...Hang on, oh yeah, they must stand on 19. I quickly counted to 21 in my head, and yes 19 came right before 20 still. This was the first time I had ever bet more than $8 on a single hand (a few times I had split, then split and doubled) and it had worked without any effort. My balance was now $220, $20 above the initial bonus dollars and my deposit - and I was also $100 closer for the wagering bonus. I played a few more hands and before long I reached $240 and called it a night. I still have more than $1000 to wager before I can make a withdrawal, but it was very comforting. I broke the rules and won - I'm a rebel, a maverick among men. Of course, everyone else I have spoker to that has tried the challenge has broke the rules too, but most of them lost and none of them did it quite as cavalier as I did. Will I throw my entire bankroll on another hand again? Hell no. I know I have angered the gambling gods already, I figure I'll see if going back to the rules can let me fly under their radar.

For the record, I did try to tip the buxom dealer but she would have none of it. I considered asking her out for dinner, but since she had no head or legs I considered it was a waste of time. Besides, she seemed a little high maintenance.