Monday, November 15, 2004

I don't like this "Variance"

[Joe falls off a swing]
Joe Dirt: And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.
"Joe Dirt"

I sit here today a broken man. The reasons are numerous, and quiet poetic. I would cry, but for fear of laughing - And I would laugh, but for fear of crying (That is a gem right there, expect to see that in one of my movies one day). There is a little poker content in this, but that is only the beginning.

My bad luck run started at the tables, where I took a massive hit over the weekend. To cut to the chase, this one hand was capped pre-flop, capped post flop with AT3 (I held AQ), and then the turn was 3, the river was 6. The other guy had 83h. That's an "eight" of hearts and a "three" of hearts. A few hands later, I was all-in with AKc, and I knew he would call regardless of what he held. He was holding A2o, and hit a 2 on the flop which was enough. I was still in shock from the 83h. To go with this, I tried two SNG's and finished 9th and 6th (out of six mind you.). Cold decked, I tried chasing one hand and couldn't find the flush. Short stacked, on a flop of JJx I checked my trips (I had J6o - a hand I had 37% on the night), as did the only other person in the hand. On the turn rag, I bet, he raised to put me all in, and I called. He showed AJs, and that was it for me. I seem to be getting outkicked a lot lately. And to rub this all in, I was ready to put my final line on a big post about these hands when it was all deleted. Why does blogger not have an "undo" button, why?

Then later last night, we were playing a live game with my girlfriend and room mate, but not for real money. I could not get anything better than a pair. My best hand was 99, which was folded to me on the big blind. After not winning a pot for God knows how long, severely short stacked I got my first Ace, and it was suited no less. A2h, with 5BB in my stack, I am forced to go all in. Both the other players call. What did they hold? AJs and A6o. Right. A pair of sixes won that hand.

Why this variance? Why can't "variance" happen in only my favor? Why does alcohol give you a hang over? Why is stealing a sport car illegal? Live is truly unfair.

That's where the poker element of this debacle ends, my dear reader, so if that is all you are interested in, then please leave a comment and run away.

Here is how "variance" kicks you in the ass when you are down. A few years ago, when I decided I would start planning to get engaged, I thought about my options. Now, my girlfriend and I live together, and she has no problems going through my wallet for no reason. If I brought a receipt or anything signifying that I bought "something" from a jewelry store, she would find it no matter where in the house it was. I also could not pay for it in cash or via our bank account, as we have a joint bank account and being an accountant, she has eyes on it like a hawk. If a jewelry store showed up on there she would be able to jump to conclusions to the fact that it was a ring (I have never bought her jewelry before, as I have told her the first time I do it will be a ring). It would be hard to save up enough in cash to pay for it without her wondering what happened to the money, let alone trying to hide it in the house. So I had a brilliant plan - I'll get a credit card that she doesn't know about. It was pure genius how I did it too - because I even decided to get a second card issued in her name, which meant I needed her signature. I managed to get her to do 5 signatures for me so I had plenty to copy off, then I forged it. It was flawless. I sent the application away along with identifying documents. This was a perfect plan - because I was always home before her, I was always the first one to look at the mail - except for one day a month when I had a staff meeting, but that was ok because she would come home through the back door, and in two years she had never checked the mail.

except the one day the credit cards arrived. Which just happened to be the day of my staff meeting. For the first time in her life, she checked the mail. One was addressed to me, which she opened anyway, and another was addressed to her. She called me in the staff meeting, thinking someone had broken into the house and stolen documents to get the credit cards. I tried to say it was just marketing, but the credit cards had our names on them and activation codes. I fessed up, and although she was very excited, I was disappointed that my surprise was now gone. I wasn't planning on buying the ring straight away, I was just going to get ready for it in a few years.

Fast forward to now, and regular readers know that I have bought a ring and am currently waiting for it's arrival. I gave the jewllers my mobile phone number and not the house number, because I don't want them leaving a message on the answering machine and her hearing it on the off chance that another statistic abnormality occurs again. I was taking extra precautions this time - and even had her whole-heartedly convinced that we were not going to get engaged until at least a year from now. Again, I thought it was flawless.

She has been talking about taking a day of work because she is so stressed and over worked where she is, which I thought was a top idea. I even considered taking a Monday off myself so we could go away for a weekend and then I could give her the ring. Unfortunately, the ring wasn't ready and she wanted to take this Monday off. No worries, there will be another time.

So she took Monday off - today. As part of my job, I use my mobile phone frequently and it never leaves my side. Except for today. I forgot to grab my phone before leaving the house. The one day she takes off work. The one day I leave my phone home.

Guess who called?

Guess who answered?

To boot, the call was only to tell me it would be another 2 weeks before it was ready. I don't care how many one-outer bad beats I get dealt - I don't care how many rivered straight flushes, back door straights or runner-runner quads come up on the tables. Nothing can beat this incredible circumstances. It really has taken the wind from my sails. I know it should be a really happy time, but as you could detect from my dreams in the film industry, I like to put on a show. I wanted to put on a show, the element of surprise. I had put great effort into this super surprise ending, and it is now ruined. I can not bluff her anymore about it. She now knows, and there is no surprise. Sure, I could have the old "but you don't know when you'll be getting it" thing, but it is just not the same.

I would cry, but for fear of laughing - And I would laugh, but for fear of crying.


WW said...

Wow. That is some unreal unlucky timing. Have you already given her the ring? If not, you might be able to lock it away for awhile and keep her guessing at least -- do it at a time of your choosing down the road when she doesn't expect it. As a side note, I would kick the shit out of the jeweller who called. They should have known when a woman answered that they should have just said 'wrong number' or something like that. You might also want to have a chat about her opening your mail, dude. Best of luck. Let me know what happens!

SirFWALGMan said...

Wow! That is amazing! That could be a film in itself. The woman the guy is going to marry turns out to be a succubus, and this is why all the surprises were ruined, and she ends up sucking your soul out. Yeah! That's it! No B-Rated movies in your future? *sigh*.

Your going to have to make the big dramatic play at the proposal part! You have one more chance! Just don't fly out the window like in the Bud commercial! (Remember that one: Guy gets excited, guy jumps in bed, guy slides across satin sheets and straight out the window).

Good Luck!