General Grievous: The Negotiator, General Kenobi a pleasure. And young Skywalker, I would have expected someone of your reputation to have been... older.
Anakin Skywalker: General Grievous, you're shorter that I imagined.”Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith”
Without much poker to speak of, I have decided to include my 101 things about Heafy. Why 101? Because it just worked out that way.
1. Heafy prefers the colour blue.
2. Heafy excelled in maths at primary school. In the sixth grade, he was literally put into a class by himself.
3. Heafy and his older brother were once dating sisters.
4. Heafy has always wanted to own a bulldog named Linford.
5. Heafy can’t stand current affairs shows.
6. Heafy’s favourite movie of all time is “The Crow”.
7. Heafy’s career in Brazilian Ju Jitsu fights: 0-2. One loss on points, one loss due to referee stoppage (blood).
8. Heafy has a commerce degree, but his University “forgot” he was enrolled and he left 2 years short of a law degree. He wants neither of them.
9. Heafy got his first kiss at a school dance – he had been dating the girl for over a year at that stage.
10. Heafy’s first album he paid for was Poison – “Open up and say ah”. The first album he ever owned was Bananarama – “Wow”.
11. Heafy’s childhood hero was Michael Jordan.
12. Heafy has never smoked a cigarette, but has tried cigars.
13. Heafy’s first time drunk was on cheap vodka when he was 15. He has been drinking bourbon and beer since then.
14. Heafy had a foam mannequin’s head, named “Head”, with him for two consecutive New Year’s Eve parties at a caravan park near his hometown.
15. Heafy was once kicked out of that caravan park for allegedly pissing on the van of the guy who runs it. It was a false accusation; he was pissing on the tree next to it.
16. Heafy’s little brother pissed on the BBQ of the guy who runs the caravan park daily for the week after this.
17. Heafy can’t play any musical instruments, but has always wanted to play the drums.
18. Heafy’s first car was a 1979 Ford Escort that cost $400.
19. Heafy got his left ear pierced when he was 14. The earring stayed with him until he was 21.
20. Heafy went to a catholic school for the first 7 years of his education.
21. Heafy is a qualified barman, but has never had a full time job behind the bar.
22. Heafy also has a licence to operate a Bobcat (skid steer loader).
23. Heafy has never played cards at a casino.
24. Heafy’s favourite soft drink is Mountain Due.
25. Heafy is a middle child.
26. Heafy never finished one book he studied in High School English.
27. Heafy has never tried any illegal drugs – not because he is anti-drugs but because he is too cheap.
28. Heafy favourite cable TV channel is “The Comedy Channel”.
29. Heafy represented his state in basketball.
30. Heafy cannot surf or skateboard or roller blade.
31. Heafy believed the story about the guy waking up in the bathtub full of ice without his kidneys the first time he heard it.
32. Heafy is extremely competitive.
33. Heafy’s favourite movie trilogy is “Back to the Future”.
34. Heafy scored 7 out of 25 (28%) on his first Law exam at university.
35. Heafy is a massive fan of the Grand Theft Auto series of games.
36. Heafy won’t eat spaghetti unless he is drunk.
37. Heafy had a barmaid buy him a drink when he was only 15.
38. Heafy has only ever broken one bone – a rib.
39. Heafy has never had any stiches.
40. Heafy failed his driver’s license theory test twice and his practical test once.
41. Heafy currently does not wear any jewellery.
42. Heafy’s favourite comedians are Dave Gorman and Arj Barker.
43. Heafy’s favourite Muppets are Statler and Waldorf, the balcony watchers.
44. Heafy has a passport but has never been overseas.
45. Heafy has only ever lived in one state, New South Wales.
46. Heafy’s teenage bedroom was covered from floor to ceiling in posters, mostly basketball posters. The roof had glow in the dark stars on it.
47. Heafy can sing all the words to the theme from “The Golden Girls”.
48. Heafy’s favourite cartoon growing up was “Astro Boy”.
49. Heafy always has a pair of black Nike shorts in his wardrobe. When one pair gets too many holes, he buys another pair.
50. Heafy can only speak English, even though he studied French and Italian for a year each at school.
51. Heafy has an amazing memory for small insignificant facts.
52. Heafy has read out his poetry in front of 150 drunken patrons at a football club.
53. Heafy owns all five Adam Sandler albums.
54. Heafy used to collect key rings and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trading cards. Both hobbies didn’t last long.
55. Heafy was the Master of Ceremonies at his Year 12 Formal Ball, which was handy because he didn’t bother to find a date for it.
56. Heafy has always had a very steady supply of “female friends” who were not girlfriends, if you know what I mean.
57. Heafy has dated two girls with the initials SS. He is marrying the second one later this year.
58. Heafy’s shoe size is 13.
59. Heafy has owned 4 cars in his life time, and no two have been the same colour. In chronological order: White, red, blue and silver.
60. Heafy doesn’t drink wine. He just doesn’t like the taste of any he has tried yet.
61. Heafy had been to 6 Hawthorn AFL games before he got to see his favourite team win. To date his record is 1-7.
62. Heafy has bought only one vinyl record in his life – a single of “We didn’t start the fire” by Billy Joel.
63. Heafy wrote, directed and starred in his first play when he was 10.
64. Heafy hates stupid people.
65. Heafy likes his bourbon best when it is mixed with Pepsi Max.
66. Heafy has only ever walked out on a movie once – it was an Imax movie about skiing.
67. Heafy once kicked a football over the Darling River. The width was only about 30 metres, but it sounds impressive.
68. Heafy bought a Nintendo 64 with prize money he won through an academic scholarship when he was 17.
69. Heafy had a fancy dress party for his 18th way back in 1998. He was dressed as “The Crow” and spent a good portion of the night with Magenta from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”.
70. Heafy knows all the words to “Sweet Transvestite” and most of the other songs out of Rocky Horror.
71. Heafy was the 11th member of his family to play football for North Broken Hill Bulldogs in the A league. He was also the youngest at 15 – the youngest before that was his dad at 16.
72. Heafy does a kick ass impersonation of Kermit the Frog singing “Rainbow Connection”.
73. Heafy prefers Futurama over the Simpsons, but probably only because it has less of a following.
74. Heafy has only ever fired a gun twice – a shotgun at moving clay pigeon targets. He hit the first one and missed the second.
75. Heafy hates competitive swimming because he was forced to do it when he was younger.
76. Heafy takes voting very seriously, but takes little interest in politics.
77. Heafy worked in telesales for 3 days before he decided to quit. He did not make one sale in that time.
78. Heafy has never seen the first three Star Wars movies (episodes 4-6) from start to finish.
79. Heafy prefers his beer in a bottle.
80. Heafy doesn’t drink tea or coffee; he prefers Milo or hot chocolate.
81. Heafy tried to get a Chocolate and Banana flavoured mud cake for his wedding, but was denied.
82. Heafy reads a lot of biographies and auto-biographies. The best ones include Richard Branson, David Foster and Mick Foley.
83. Heafy owns only one music DVD – The complete masterworks of Tenacious D.
84. Heafy won a prize for his artwork when he was 6.
85. Heafy had a perfect score in a standardised reading comprehension test when he was in the second grade. The test was supposed to measure the sixth grade.
86. Heafy was given a Mad magazine subscription for his 22nd birthday.
87. Heafy owns every episode of Red Dwarf on either DVD or video.
88. Heafy is a sucker for Jamie Oliver TV shows.
89. Heafy doesn’t drink alcohol at live sporting events.
90. Heafy delivered pizza for Pizza Hut as a summer job once, then realised he was getting about $3 an hour for it and quit.
91. Heafy doesn’t touch South Australian beer. It’s better that you don’t either.
92. Heafy can’t walk past a sink with suds in it. He has to wash them down before he can move on.
93. Heafy has never hit a “Hole in one”, but has got close a couple of times.
94. Heafy is the only “full” right-handed person in his family. Both parents are left handed, and his two brothers swing left-handed but write with their right.
95. Heafy works in an office environment, but refuses to wear a tie.
96. Heafy threw his older brother through a plate glass window when he was 5. He ended up on the front lawn without a scratch on him.
97. Heafy cannot see what is so special about soccer.
98. Heafy is destined to win the lottery one day, even though he rarely buys a ticket.
99. Heafy once had four interviews for a large IT company, and still didn’t get the job.
100. Heafy has met Dave Gorman and got him to sign his book, but Dave addressed it to his fiancé who was in another city at the time.
101. Heafy never used to like the nickname Heafy – it was only when it was used as an insult towards him that he decided to adopt it and make it his own. Hardly anyone other than himself uses it now which is fine.