Four Letter Word, Starts with T

Teddy Bass: [raising his glass] Gentlemen! You're all cunts.

"Sexy Beast"

See, Ian McShane was already an expert swearer before Deadwood. Deadwood just made him into a professional. Seriously, how good is that show? While I'm glad they are finishing the show before it turns to crap (not that the reason has been given as such) it will be a shame that three seasons is all it will be.

I have been diving back into the online waters as of late, returning to my bonus whoring ways as I have alluded to in previous posts. It would be fair to say I have been getting my ass handed to me in a mixture of bad play, bad reads, bad cards and bad beats. It's all bad, anyways.

It has been as if the little men who run internet poker have been laughing their collective asses off at me. They give me a monster hand, and I take the blinds. Then they give me a great starting hand, and encourage some Muppet in seat 7 to call al the way with a gut shot straight to hit on the river. Oh, how can I be so original with my gripes?

It has been weird because I have hit some big hands, but I just can't get paid for them. I did my absolute best to get value out of Quad Aces last night, getting a couple of extra bets out on the river, but when three aces adorn the board it is hard to get the most out of them when even the dumbest of opponents knows at best they will be splitting this pot with you.

But it is my own fault for reverting back to the limit game. I have tried to clear these raked hands at No Limit, but I run into two different types of players: Absolute rocks or absolute luck boxes. The rocks don't play any hands, and as such if I want to play tight and sit back, the raked hands don't accumulate. If I try to play aggressive to take advantage of their rocky play, I'm getting spanked by 64s from the luck box.

After dropping another buy in at the No Limit table on about my third hand (JJ gets done by the aforementioned 64s), I felt sick. Sure, my play was horrible and there is no need or want to go into further detail upon it, but after this particular one I thought once again I have had enough. Welcome to Tiltsville – Population, Me.

So rather than wallow in bad cards and sit and fold and then finally play to get spanked, I decided to make the spanking come hard and fast in a medium where I know my tilt will be fully accommodated.

Blackjack.

Oh yes, que the band, we're fixing to play that old tune.

Any card room that also has a casino linked to it are sure to make an absolute killing, as if they were not already. I was ready to wage war once again with the Gambling Devils (any one who says there are Gambling Gods are delusional, they are all Satan's Sycophants).

I'm in Absolute Tilt mode, and I know it, but I decide to relish it.

Oh, dealer has Blackjack, what a surprise?

Yes, draw all four low cards to the 19 to beat my King and eight, excellent play good sir!

I kid really though, for some reason my luck at Blackjack far outweighed my luck at poker. Even when I decided to really gamble and split my tens when the dealer was showing a 4, I hit an ace on each for a good score. Towards the end, the dealer would have twelve and draw another ten a few times to help me out of my rut. When ever I decided to increase the betting to a level I have no right to, I either pushed the hand or took the win. After maybe 20 minutes, I thought I had pushed my luck far enough and I left the Blackjack tables having earned back the buy in I just lost with the pocket jacks.

When did I become such a fish? Or is it that I have only just noticed?

From mid April to mid May, I was unbeatable. I experienced an upswing of great magnitude, and in that small time frame my per hour profit grew by nearly 300%. Games where I was normally happy to walk away with a double my money I was now getting 8x and 9x my buy in, without trying. It was a great feeling.

But as I knew, all along, the upswing must end. I have been made aware of this violently during the last week. In the process of trying to earn this bonus, I have already lost 85% of what the bonus is worth, but pulling out now would really make it worse.

And then I came to a realisation. Well, two in fact. Firstly, this is gambling. There is not a poker player in the world that can not honestly say luck has nothing to do with it, we all know that. The object is to limit it's influence as best we can. The other realisation is that all this money is not mine – it never has been. I am taking other peoples money and trying to get a ROI of 80% on it (which is where my ROI was before the last week. Now it is at 63%). When the results have not gone my way, I think myself unlucky. But really, I have nothing to complain about. Once I clear the raked hand requirements, I'll still get my vouchers from Poker Source Online. It may have cost me double what they are worth, but on the grand scale of things, it is still free to me.

And if I ever get my game back to where it was, then I will gain even more.

But seriously, 64s? I raised to 7BB before the flop…