Be gentle, it's my first time

Nicholas : I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children

"The Game"

I've got some blogging to do man, some real catching up going on. I need to tell the people about a few SNG wins and losses, some more ass clowns in Internet poker and my first foray into a live game as well as just how much influence this here "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever" has on the world of blogging.

Firstly, I was nearly down and out on Poker Pages after some horrific river beats in the SNG. Good news was I never actually got pissed off about it - I was even happy enough to post a few "lol" in the chat box, and let the game go on. I did manage though to pull but in spectacular fashion and win my last two SNG for a total profit of 78 cents worth of bonus points, meaning my balance there is back in the 80's - much like my dress sense (Boom tish. Try the veal. I think my crappy joke and rim shot will become a regular feature now.). Good players there as well, not too stupid to lay down a hand when they are beaten, strong enough to keep going when they think they are not. But that's not to say my latest experiences were not ass clown free - not by any stretch of the imagination. At one stage I had four tables going in various MTT and SNG, so on the 1 cent SNG at Poker Pages I decided that KJc first hand was good enough to go all-in when two people ahead of me did too. They flipped over a pair of fours and A7o. The flop brought a King, the turn brought a Jack. Then it started. They went off in the chat box about how the worst hand won, why don't I just go all in with everything, this is why this poker site sucks so on and so forth. You know why this poker site sucks? Because morons argue over a silly call on a 1 cent table. The grand prize was a 4 cent profit, and they expect world class play. These guys just went on and on and on - man I hope they left notes on my screen name because I know I will win against these guys every time. And not once did I post a reply in the chat, I just let them keep going and going. Instantly though this one cent game became more important. I needed this win to piss them off even more. But before that, lets look at the offending hand (it was only one hand that pissed them off.).

I had KJc, against A7o and pocket 4's. Damn, the calculator on Twodimes seems to have gone missing. Oh well - anyway, neither hand is a monster. A pissy little pocket pair and a 6 gapper to ace. Wow, instant wins on those baby! Sure, KJ suited is the worse of those hands, but at least it looks respectable. I was ahead on the flop, farther on the turn and all over by the river. Why they bitched and moaned will remain a mystery to me. If they are such poker Gods as they claim to be, what the hell were they doing going all in on the first hand with that shit? I say it was divine justice that the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever" smacked them back down. But boy, did my concentration level rise for this 1 cent game after that. I folded a lot and when I went all in the next time, I had another ass clown follow. He had JTh - and I had the rockets baby! It was all over for him. I finished in second or third in the end, I can't remember but it did mean I was in the money places and all was good with the world. With the abundance of stupid people in the world, and their tendency to gravitate to the Internet, it was nice to know that even on this miniscule scale I was taking some money away from them. I'm a bit like a good Samaritan in that sense - or Robin Hood even. Yeah, more like Robin Hood, and believe me this Robin Hood is the needy!

Having said that, in one of the MTT free rolls at Poker Pages, I was in about 4th position with 40 or so people left, going strong, when I go all in with the second largest stack on the table after the turn, and he hits a one-outer on the river to put me below the small blind amount. I told him if he wins he owes me 11 cents for the entry fee. I never did check to see if he won or not...

But on Saturday night I was finally able to play in a live game. Through some website I got in touch with a guy in the next suburb over who has invited me to a few games before and something always came up that stopped me from attending (distractions among the list.). I was wrapped when Serena had organized a girl's night in (means they are watching shit house Julia Roberts movies and drinking wine) on the night of the game. I was in dude, no doubt about it. Even though meeting people I have only spoken to over the internet is surely something my mother warned me against, I am glad to say I made it home by 2.30am without any back door action and with both kidneys still intact.

After taking only 1 wrong turn, I finally got to the place for a game of 6 handed, $15 buy in. The payouts were 1st $45, 2nd $30 and third get their money back. This was good, as at least only half the group would go home under for the first game. The rest of the group I learned consisted of two big WPT fans and decent players, another guy who was very solid, a calling station and the final guy I never got a chance to figure out because he took some huge pots that he was almost forced to win - more on that in a minute. I guess I was at an advantage because they had no idea what I played like but knew each other very well. Does this means I should be at agreater disadvantage because I knew what none of them were like? Well, surprising myself, I thought I picked up the jist to their games extremely quickly, I was quietly proud of myself.

On about the third hand, the host (very good player) sees the flop of QQT and calls all in. The guy to my right immediately calls, and everyone noted this was not a good sign. The host had QK, the other player had QT and flopped a boat. It didn't change with the turn or river and that was it for the host. It also meant that the other player now had a massive chip lead and would now see almost every flop and call almost every all in, so I never could really figure out if he was good or lucky.

Not long after this, the other very good player was busted when his brother called his all in and put him out on the turn. So, the two best players on the table were out first and second, this could get interesting. It also means I'm on the bubble now.

Man were my raises getting some respect. I have always prided myself on my poker face - solid as a rock baby! There were some time where I saw the other players agonizing over whether to see if I was bluffing or not and I thought either they are really thinking this through or are fantastic actors. Luckily, it was the first and they usually folded. It helped that on a flop of Kxx, I went all in and they folded quickly - the lucky guy said "It probably wasn't that big anyway" so I flipped over pocket kings straight away. I think that scared them off for a little while.

Soon enough I was looking down at AKh and saw a flop with two kings and a heart. I check-raised in early position and the lucky guy called with his massive stack (guess why I call him the lucky guy?). He had something like Q9o, but thought he should call being the big stack. The turn is the Jack of hearts, and now I have a flush draw as well as my trips to be well ahead. He needs a ten to make a straight, but the ten of hearts is no good because that makes my flush. Of course, he hits the ten on the river and I am out. At least everyone knew it was a tough loss, so I was happy at least. Lucky guy now had about 2/3 of the chips at the table, when one of the very good players says to the remaining in the game "If you get up and beat him, I'll marry you.". You could see it happening, Lucky Guy then wasn't so lucky and lost 6 all in calls in a row (he did have crap though). Eventually he went out in third and it was left to the calling station and the other decent player heads up. This was the first time either of them made it to heads up I found out, so it was really good for them. Eventually the decent player got up, and pocketed the cash. A really fun game, but the calling station and Lucky Guy had to leave so the second game became four handed, first pays $40 second pays $20.

The host again was out after about 4 hands when his trips didn't stand up. Pity, I know it might not sound like it but he did seem to be a very good player. Not only that, but because they had Foxtel (cable television) and since we moved we no longer have it, they were constantly talking about the world poker tour coverage on the channels there. I could not believe it, it is on every week now here in Australia on more than one channel - how awesome is that? I mean, it's still shit because I can't watch it but you get the idea. Poker is getting bigger here in Oz, it's only a matter of time.

Still three handed, I was dealt ATo and when the board showed Kh Th Ts 3h Qs on the river, the other good player was first to act. He put in a big bet of $5,000 (most bets for the night were $500 or there abouts). He had not bet up until this point, only called so I thought he must have either missed his flush or perhaps hit the straight. I have trips with a nice kicker, perhaps he has trips too? Here is what could have been on of the greatest or most stupid moves of the night - without any hesitation I re-raised all in. He was the chip leader by about 1/3 over me but this really made him think. On the board was a full house, a straight and a flush, all of which could beat my trips. After really agonizing over the call, he laid it down and showed us he had hit his gut shot straight on the river. I just said "Hmm, thought you had a baby flush." and mucked my cards. How I didn't show my glee is beyond me. Yep, I'm a player now.

In the space of four hands, I was dealt AA, KK, 78o, AA. Not a bad little run, and proof that online poker is rig...Oh, hang on, this wasn't online. Never mind then. By the way, AA got beaten by two pair the first time and by a full house the second (I laid that one down though. Flop was QQx and he went all in, an easy guess that he had the queen was right), and the Kings were won pre-flop for a small pot.

The decent player busted the very good player, his brother, for the second time on the night. This means that if I win I am up $10, if I loose I am down $10 on the night. After some more strong raises (bluffs were about 1 in 4 of those, and only one got called - screw that once a week crap!) he eventually calls all in with a flop of Axx, two clubs. He has an Ace plus rag, I had 5c2c but a massive chip lead so a flush draw seems like a good deal to me. I hit it on the river and that makes me a winner!

All up, it was great and these guys knew how to play, which was refreshing. They don't burn cards though which I thought was weird but hey, it's their game. They were real poker fans and made many references to professional players and funny moments that I knew nothing about but wished very much that I did - something about some amateur getting pocket aces three times early on a few years ago and always showing them saying "courtesy" in a very gay manner, and something about "Big chip mover" if that means anything to you. I am glad I ended up with a profit (well, who wouldn't be?) but also happy that I didn't win both games as the chances of me getting invited back would be slim. It was interesting though that the chips they had bought here in Sydney from some guy were pretty good, plastic and about 8 grams but they cost more per ship than the 13 gram chips I got sent over from America through eBay. There's a lesson for you there kids!

Also, big help wanted here: Does anybody have any reviews of the site Poker.com? I just found out that it is run by an Aussie guy and he has some decent plans on his site on how to make a poker table. If somebody could give me a review on what the action is like on the site or point me to a review, that would be great.

Now, onto my influence since I proclaimed myself the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever". Since I started that claim, the total number of people who have referred to me as the "WGPBE" is still in single digits - in fact, it is a single digit. Just the one, me. No fear, this will not stop me from continuing my crusade. However, since I began with that claim, I have noticed a few things.

Firstly, Dr. Pauly made a long post about he characteristics of poker players online based on their chosen screen name. "Why, that sounds awfully familiar World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever" I hear you say, and you would be correct. Dr. Pauly's post is dated 15th of September is titled "What's in a name" where as if you look on Poker On Film, the post dated the 3rd of August what do you find? "What is in a name". Trying to hide the "I" in "is" with an apostrophe was not clever enough, Doctor! The fact that at the time my site had about 3 site views and hundreds of people before have done a post named the same about the exact same subject, and that Dr. Pauly's was far longer and more interesting than mine is totally circumstantial. Shenanigans I say, SHENANIGANS!

Then I decided to have a look at a poker site that shall remain nameless except to say it involves poker and Guinness...And a guy named Iggy, who some refer to as the "Blogfather" - but nobody refers to as the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever" I notice. Anyway, this nameless site started his post this week with a quote directly out of the British comedy series "The Office". Hello, do we know anybody else who did this? Cast your minds back to a chilly night on August 17th, when yours truly did just that and started my post titled "It's all in the timing." Sure, the quotes were not entirely the same, one was from season one and the other from the final episode of season two...And they were two entirely different characters and all but I can see through this thinly veiled smokescreen for what is truly happening out their in Blogsville - Iggy doesn't call himself the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever" because he knows I'm out there (and something else about modesty which is nothing nut hearsay). Sure, nobody calls me that either but I think you'll agree the evidence is irrefutable. In only 29 posts I have changed this little internet sub-culture, and surely endorsement deals are just around the corner. Shenanigans damn it, SHENANIGANS!

And I have noticed numerous Poker blogs out there using the same template and font type as Poker On Film. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Imitation may be a form of flattery, but you could better show your appreciation by donations. I mean come on, a man's gotta make a quid you know.

End mindless rant.

That will do for now, work is busy as all hell so posts will be few and far between for the next few weeks. I am improving my play with every game and am enjoying it more and more as of late. Hopefully some more wins will follow.

Oh, and if you didn't get the humour above, don't blame me. (And that is how we spell humour down here, screw you spell checker!)