Thursday, September 02, 2004

When something wicked this way comes

Jack : Gambling's not about money... Gambling's about not facing reality, ignoring the odds.
Marion : I must be a fool -- I never think about the odds.
"Croupier"

Got some great news on the live game front. It seems I may be able to sneak out for an hour or two to throw some cards for my first time live this Saturday night. Thanks to the guys organizing the night, they are planning a second game which will probably start around 11 or so, long after Serena's parents who are staying with us this weekend have gone to bed. Plus, the second game tends to have half the players on tilt and the other half all cashed up and loose from the first. Sounds like a good time to join in methinks.

Big shout out to
Uwannabet, who after running a recent competition has agreed to send me my first poker book. No details yet if it includes pop up pictures. When it arrives, I'm sure I'll read it for the first time in a matter of hours and then post right here ("exclusive" - stay tuned) about my thoughts on "The Tao of Poker".

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately, and from day one of my poker blog reading I have noticed a very common theme - that being drinking. This is no surprise really, as poker and drinking go together like...well, anything and drinking. We all know Iggy loves his Guinness, and another blog I have just started reading by
Mene Gene proudly displays the fondness of combining the two. Now I love a drink or two - a quiet beer, a few bourbons, a little port if the night takes me there. I have sat down at the computer for my poker sessions, and just recently I have noticed something - I have never won any money when I wasn't drinking. All the tournaments I have won have been with a beer in one hand and a few already under my belt. Why do the two go so well together? Maybe it is the more relaxed play I employ when I have had a few. Perhaps the alcohol is stopping me from thinking too much and avoiding "fancy play syndrome"? Perhaps it is nothing more than pure coincidence? Obviously I am unsure, but please let me know what your thoughts are on the beneficial effects of alcohol and poker. Is it possible to be good at poker and not drink? Perhaps it is, but I'd prefer to pretend it isn't.

A lot of other poker blogs are defining what their purpose of blogging is as well. Well, I will again try to let a little light in on this subject. For me, this blog is to document my attempt at making money through poker to finance a feature length film, and also to give me an outlet to rant on current events, films, TV, sports, basically anything and everything I have an opinion on. I do this as a stream of consciousness and not a planned essay or article format. I like those formats, but by definition they require planning. There, that should clear a few things up.

On the film making front, I got an invitation yesterday to go to a seminar on "Comedy writing for television and film" run by the local writers guild, of which I am a proud member (gaining membership is only available to those that pay the fees. No one else. Very exclusive.). This sounds like a great opportunity, but I was reading the credits of the guys running the thing and all the shows they two guys have been on are absolute shockers. Only one of the several shows listed in their credits wasn't cancelled before the end of the first season - and one in particular was a sketch show that was so bad it made me cringe. There was a period of about 5 or 6 years on Aussie TV where there was no local sketch comedy shows, which was a shame. Then "Skit-house" started on channel 10 and was a big hit in their first year. The next year, channel 9 and 7 had sketch shows ready to roll. They were called "Big Byte" and "Comedy Inc.". To say they were bad would be a gross understatement. They did "topical" humor on events that occurred several years before. Obviously these were the impressions the performers could do and had been doing for years, and they were not really interested in learning new ones. Imagine "Saturday Night Live" coming out now with a new set of sketches based on the OJ trial. Now imagine that to become the character, they do nothing more than wear an OJ jersey. THEY WERE REALLY SHIT, PEOPLE! And these guys advertise that they wrote for those shows? I don't know if the workshop is for them to get advice or to give it. It's funny how the industry works here in Australia - we applaud somebody for just merely doing these shows, it doesn't really matter if they are any good at all. I mean, I'm all for encouraging the kiddies to give something a go, but when you find out you are shit at it you either try to improve or try something else. And when you fail six, seven, eight times by doing the same shit over and over, maybe it is time to try something else or just accept the fact that this line o work is not for you. Apparently they found a third option, and that is to teach everyone else how to follow in their footsteps. It's a bit like getting marriage advice from Liz Taylor or Jennifer Lopez. "How to win friends and influence people" by Steven Bartman (bet you thought that guy would never get another reference, did you?). Lets even put this into a poker reference - "How to run Internet Poker" by Dutch Boyd. By the way, I promise that will be the last Dutch Boyd reference on this site. Whatever happened, happened and can not be changed, and I am sure there is so much more to it than what I know or can find out with Google. But it was just for jokes here anyway. It's funny what people claim to be. Howard Stern one day decided to call himself "The King of All Media" as a bit of a joke. Before long, it had become a moniker that the world was using for him. His theory was that if you called yourself something long enough, loud enough and as many times as you can, soon people will start to believe you. With this in mind, I now proclaim myself to be "The World's Greatest poker blogger ever!", and I am running sessions on how to improve your poker bloging for $99.95 a head (pay in advance). Remember, it must be good because it is coming from "The World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever!".

Wow, that started off an a big tangent, and I managed to bring it back to poker by accident. That's awesome! But then again, you'd expect some brilliance like that from "The World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever". Woo hoo, I am getting good at this.

To keep the good times rolling, I was thinking about all the different jargon that is present in poker. I read a few sites that have a "complete" glossary of all the terms, but I have never found any of these lists to in fact be "complete". Even just the names for starting hands are so vast that whenever I try to explain a few to my friends around the table I feel like an idiot. Lets have a look at A-A. They can be called pocket Aces, bullets, rockets, pocket rockets, major league, The Alcoholics, and probably a million other names you can come up with. That's just two cards, and six names for them without even trying. When it comes to naming the starting hands, the bullets are pretty boring. I mean, they have good quantity, but not the quality which to me is more important. I like pocket Queens - the ladys, the Hiltons, the tarts. There is of course Big Slick, The Hammer, crabs, hooks, cowboys and so on. What I'm interested in here is the more creative names for starting hands. Put the ones you know or just made up in the comments section, and the best one will win a personal email from none other than the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever". What about every one's favorite, 6 9 - A good night in? 8 6 - The Maxwell? Yeah, I like that one. Guaranteed next time I am dealt eight six I will be playing the Maxwell for all they are worth. Maxwell? Maxwell Smart of course, Agent 86 for Control. Please, no more questions, I am not going to explain that one further. Post your best in the comments section and try to give me and everyone here a laugh.

Wow, there is so much pressure on you when you are the "World's Greatest Poker Blogger Ever". I will teach you all about it at my next seminar, $124.95 credit cards welcome.

With that, I will sign off for now. Not a bad post considering I still haven't played one hand for over a week. I have ordered the wireless modem today and it should be with us by tomorrow so more poker will be a viable option from then on.

Thanks for reading, cheers!


7 comments:

Uwannabet? said...

4-6 weeks brother, 4-6 friggin weeks. Man, by the time that poker book reaches you it might be an antique! Who the hell lives in Australia anyway?!?!
Enjoy!

Uwannabet?

Anonymous said...

The best name for a starting hand I have ever heard is for Q3. The Gay waiter. A Queen with a trey.

JW said...

Dang, my favorite was already commented.
A,A American Airlines
A,Q Big Chick
6,9 Big Lick, Dinner for two
Q,7 Computer hand
J,4 Day job (as in, play this hand and you better have one)
T,5 five and dime
J,Ko Bachelor's hand
9,5 Dolly Parton
9,9 German Virgin
5,7 Heinz
This should be fun! :)

Heafy said...

Gay Waiter - classic!

Dr. Pauly said...

AQ = Mrs. Slick

KK = The Dudes

JJ = Jerkoffs cause I can win with them!

Heafy said...

Just heard this one -
JT - The Britany banger. Figure it out for yourself.
T2 - Judgement Day...Ok, I made that one up and it's crap.
AT - I pity the fool.

Anonymous said...

cropier is a fine film. nice quote. :)

iggy